Sexy Killer

As I sit here watching the Warriors get their ass beat by the Mavs and sipping on the nastiest white wine I've ever had (do not EVER buy Yellow Tail Chardonnay 2005 vintage - it's fucking awful), I reflect on a rather strange day. Pretty much all day I doubted the whole "April showers bring May flowers" principle I learned as a kid because the weather was so bad (what is it with this horrible weather we're having? This is a serious buzzkill.). I mean, it's the first of May and it looks like NYC outside - gray skies with a nagging drizzle.

Anyway, after the typical boring ACF class, I did some reading and rolled into my weightlifting class. This is the last week of school and there's exactly one hot chick in there and, yep you guessed it, I waited until today to finally talk to her. But that's neither here nor there. So I roll out of class a little early to get my much anticipated fitness test. What I am about to tell you may shock you, but it looks like my efforts these past few months have paid off..

people, I am 7.88% body fat.

That's right, I am once again a prime physical specimen. No you can't touch me tomorrow when you see all 144lbs of my lean, mean, sexy ass rolling around campus. Except if you're hot.

I'll admit I was a little surprised. I knew I was losing fat and gaining muscle mass, but I figured I would be around 9% or 10%. This is great news. My fast food hiatus combined with fierce determination to get back in shape and the assumption of a healthy diet are paying dividends. Now I just wish I were 6 inches taller so I could play football (as a safety or other DB, wiseass).

So that was the good news of the day. Now for the better news (save the comments, I already know I am going to hell for this one)...

...many of you know how much I hate housecats (I like tigers, ocelots, jaguars, lions). As it was, I was driving home from school when this stupid-ass feline decided to park itself in the middle of the road I was barreling down. The two cars ahead of me gently swerved to avoid hitting it. I thought the bastard would get the hint and get out of the way. Unfortunately, rationality was not with this idiot. As I approached him from 50 feet away I had serveral brief flashbacks of my roadkill history. I remembered March 2000 driving back from the Salt Lick when my friend P took out a cat sprinting across the road, I remembered May 2005 driving to Kansas when this dumb-ass coyote decided he was up for the challenge. Bits of his spine are still in my car grill...

...I returned to reality just in time to hear cat bones crunching under my right front tire. It felt like a little speed bump. My right back tire, probably a bit jealous, managed to get a piece of the action. Let's call it the cleanup hitter...

I drove a little faster than normal the rest of the way. For one, I don't know if anyone saw me. This cat died a quick, painless (well, probably not painless) death. And, since it refused to move out of the way for the two cars ahead of me, it was probably retarded. So in that sense, I put a retarded housecat out of its misery and did my part to help control the pet population (shouts out to Bob Barker). See, I'm a good samaritan.

The rest of Tuesday was normal. I have a shitload of work to get done for finals. I can't believe I'm just about done with my first year (I'm drafting a blog about this and will publish soon).

Stay up y'all.

Lyrics I am feeling at the moment:

Everytime your name was brought up
I would act all nonchalant infront of an audience
Like if you was just another shorty I put the naughty on
But uh, truth be told you do me for a loop, this Hov
I'm too old to be frontin when I'm feeling Denzel
And you acting like you ain't appealing but you are
Stuting like you ain't my only girl but you are (I was just frontin)
I'm ready to stop when you are
--from "Frontin'" by Pharrell featuring Jay-Z