Speachless - LG

VEGASSS! vegas, vegas vegas, vegas veegas! I love vegas. Its taken
me a few days to write something down because...I just DO NOT know what
to say. ... ... How about Sunday morning? The intelligent man I am, I
got 2 hours of sleep Saturday night! I had never been so tired when I
woke up, drove to the airport, stepped on the plane. Luckily i
received another 1.5 hrs of shut eye. So vegas. I'm there five
minutes and I see ... (just cant write it, i tried). We show up to
Ceasars. Come on its Rome, the architecture of the buildings, the
statues, replicas of works by michealangelo and others i dont remember.
A tribute to the gods! Since our rooms wouldnt be ready at 9 in the
------ morning, we had to check our bags and make ourselves at home.
After a quick walk into the Forum shops (Pete Rose frequents the sports
shop there), we sat down and placed our first bets just before I heard
the first call 'Cocktails'.

"Soon we would both be completely twisted. But there was no going back
- We would have to ride it out." Hunter S Thompson R.I.P.

A quick run down of 'gotta check this out': check out the club 'Pure'
and for food 'Mesa' at Ceasars, go to the Wynn (just do it), if you
like exotic cars, go to the Forum shops, ride the roller coaster at new
york, new york, DO NOT eat in the restaurant of Barbary's, and a
personal favorite, do place your camera safely in the protective cover
BEFORE arriving into your room back home.

AJ! (Chris do the honors!)

So, all in all, the trip did what it was suppose to do. Despite a
received message from ... i had reached a clearing, three days without
all the BS. Sunny days ahead, for sure. However, upon reaching home,
she was still here. she's there when i go to sleep at night. she's
there when i wake up in the morning. But have no pity! Vegas
convinced me of my situation. You see things so clearly on the third
day of a binge. This kid is going places. This guy is on the runway
for life and taking off.

Chris, i owe you one. I did NOT want to dance with the grenade. I
finally sprout a pair and I dance with the grenade. BAD! BAD, wingman!

'come in here big boy, have a cigar. you're gonna go far'

The More You Know...

August 23, 2005 –On this date in AD 78 Mt. Vesuvius erupts, killing thousands.  In 1821, Spain recognizes Mexico’s independence, therefore opening the door for Texas’ Independence.

 

With the Fellows touring Texas’ westernmost province (Vegas), I figured it high time I log in and speak my mind on several issues, none of which are particularly interesting.

 First off, on college.  A wild and wonderful place.  Picking it up after two years is going to be really strange, but can it really be that hard?  The first four years I took more of a “hands-off” approach and yet still received a degree.  I figured, hey, why mess with a good thing?  Exactly.

Also, I want to know exactly what dogs understand in English.  Or Spanish.  Someone told me dogs have the relative intelligence of a 2-year-old child, but I’m not sure I believe it.   At least, I don’t know any two year olds that can stare out the front door for 4 consecutive hours and seem to enjoy it.  That or go crazy over the words “Scooby snacks”.

I’ve got some more prospective country song titles: “You Broke My Heart (But Your Brother Broke My Jaw)” and my new personal favorite “A Man’s Home is His Castle (And I Can’t Get the Drawbridge Down)”

This just in from the I.T. Department:  What if there are inhabitants on other planets?  Do their tabloids feature crudely drawn depictions of astronauts and spacecraft?  Do they produce documentaries about Leonard Nimoy?  These questions must be answered.

Finally, thanks for the insightful commentary, and the very friendly spam messages.  Good to know these words do not fall on deaf ears (blind eyes actually).  Keep them coming.  But not the spam.

That’s all I know for now.

 --“…It sounds funny I know, but it really is so, I am my own Grandpa…”

Vegas! - LG

Ha Haaa!  As most people I know are still sleeping off the night before, I'll be rolling up in Vegas!  Give Vegas the Ol Rain Man sweep...i hope so!  Its time to forget about all the bullshit and have the time of my life.  Its time to drink it up, play it up, live it up.  I need this like 'ben affleck needs acting school'.  I'm so excited I'm still up tonight when the train leaves for the airport at 6. 

Oh what to do, what to do?  What happens first?  I'll tell you what I'm going to do.  I'm going to sit at the tables about 9:30 am and order a screwdriver or a seven 'n seven are start watching my pool of money dwindle.  I've always heard that you don't gamble with money you're not ready to lose.  Thats right.  As the plane lands, I'm going to take out my wad of bills that I've set aside for 'losing' and say 'Tag, you're it!  When you're gone the gambling stops.'  Hopefully I do well and get to play till I leave, otherwise, I'm sure I'll find some entertaining times in the next 4 days.

 

'we were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold"

What is and What Should Never Be -- Phil

August 18 – On this date in 1227, Mongol ruler Genghis Kahn dies.  In 1920, Women are given the right to vote. 

 

It seems like only months ago that this whole internet thing started.  Today alone, hundreds of thousands of individuals will add a new post to their blog.  I, on the other hand, am making my first post.  Thanks Chris.  And Al Gore.  Let me first say that I am made very nervous by the fact that 10s of individuals will read my innermost thoughts.  Therefore, I will not give any of my innermost thoughts, only some observations, and maybe an innermost thought, but only if it’s nasty. Also, I will also not say “innermost thoughts” anymore for the rest of the post.  Here’s the titles to a few country songs I’m working on; “Two Wrongs Don’t Make a Right (But They Sure Make for a Good Time)” is especially moving, but so is “(I Learned Everything I Know From) Guitar Tech” and its tales of booze, college, and roadies.  Country songs just sound better if they have really long titles (and half of it is in parentheses).

 

This Just In From the I.T. (Innermost Thoughts) Department:  There is something very dangerous about seeing someone else sleeping. There is something even more dangerous about not seeing someone else sleeping and then tripping over them. 

 

Anyway, if anyone reads this and wants to comment, please keep your remarks self-centered around this topic:  I Am a Complete Failure At _____________.  I’ll go first      WRITING .  Also, I would appreciate some unsolicited song titles, even though I just solicited them.  That’s all I know,

                                        Phil

 

p.s. I realize I said the “I.T.” phrase one more time after saying I wouldn’t.  “I Said I Loved You (But I Lied)”.   

 

The Coup - LG

Last night, finally, i got the china! Only because of my mother do i
mention that first. Along with it came the 'stuff', the camera
equipment, the photo album, cds, movies, my high school class ring and
a few necklaces i use to wear, and the cake knife. The cake knife?
Yes, the cake knife, with our names engraved on it meant to be used
'you know when'. what do you think i did? I sat in my room a few
moments to compose myself. i showed chris the photo album. Stacie put
it together for me for graduation. It pretty much chronicles my time
in college and does a damn fine job of it. Whole pages of the pals,
most of my favorite pictures in the same place. Ah, my stuff! Little
things that I had forgotten were over there. Those things you don't
know you have. My snowman stuffed bear, the last Christmas gift I will
ever receive from my grandmother. Relief and sadness at the same time.
it was liberation and degredation all rolled into one moment.

So, whats the coup? Last week I told stacie that chris and i would
show up for my stuff. Thats not good enough. She wants me alone for
several reasons. Once a reason, always a reason (one reason i'm not
looking back). Tuesday, i'm talkin to her again. Twice i get messaged
'i miss you'. Of course! Again, the reasons. Just me? OK! .... NO!
I don't show up. When she looks through her peephole its chris,
standing there holding her stuff. Look, there is one reason i said
chris was going with me. Emotionally, I can't do it by myself. She'll
be pulling with everything she has to break me. Induce me into some
sort of 'we'll be friends', 'we'll hang out'. So, play your games.
This old dog aint bitin. She wasn't going to let me do it my way so
lets see how she likes that. People, please do not mess with me. Do
not push me into doing something, i'm not nice about it. now i can
break out some of that aloe. it soothes the burn.

Chris deserves a round of applause. I asked him to do something that
shouldn't be in any mans best interest. I couldnt go. I couldnt face
her. I couldnt go in there, swap stuff, and see her cry. And chris?
he had to be the guy that she sees, standing outside her door when she
expects to see me... hats off to ya brother.

Today blew. Lame dream last night and bad news elsewhere had me
clouded . It got better about 6 or so when metallica started ringing
in my ears. So since i talked about parents, what we call life, and
metallica all in one..... (you'll love it mike!)

(not what i was listening to)
"Innocence / Torn from me without your shelter / Barred reality /
I'm living blindly"

The Friend Zone

After having been introduced to and having studied this topic for approximately 6 (starting my 7th) years, I need to state my position on the subject of friendly hook-ups, or fucking a friend, for those of you who prefer it straight.

In mid-September 1999, about 3 weeks into my freshman year at Texas, I attempted to hook up with a girl I had known since middle school. Now, for those of you who didn't know, I still wore braces when I entered UT, and I was slightly shorter than I am now (yes, believe it or not, I grew like 1.5 inches in college), so I wasn't exactly the prime physical specimen I am now (that's the smell of sarcasm, mofo) but I thought I was a decent dude.

Anyway, I was rejected on the basis that I was the girl's "friend." She spat out some bullllshit about how hooking up "would ruin the friendship," etc. Given my relative inexperience at the time dealing with the opposite sex (yes Dr. Brownstein, I know they're not totally "opposite"), I figured this girl just didn't find me attractive. However, as the weeks, months, and years went by, I found this to be a more common occurence. I was astonished. To this day, there are girls who simply won't do this on the assumption that the "friendship" would be harmed, etc. In my attempt to be an honest and decent gentleman, who might happen to want a piece of ass somewhere down the line, I have totally fucked myself and wound up in what I, and many others, call "The Friend Zone."

Ladies, this is horseshit. Complete and total horseshit. Look, if you're going to reject me, be real about it. Tell me I'm not your type. Tell me you have a boyfriend. Tell me you're scared of my dick because you heard it put a girl's eye out last week. Tell me you're on your fucking period for Christ's sake! DO NOT tell me you won't do it because you ASSUME it MIGHT ruin the friendship or because "I've known you for so long." What kind of fucked up logic is that? In an uncertain world of sexually transmitted diseases and general distrust of those we don't know, I would think you would WANT some safe, good, sex and not have to worry about the history of your partner. Don't get me wrong, we all have the occasional random hookup (see Team America - Fuck Yea post), but when it comes to the friend, we shouldn't be so quick to dismiss on that basis.

The entire "we're just friends, so I won't lay down with you" excuse is based on the assumption that after the cum shot, the girl becomes emotionally attached to the guy she slept with. .I refuse to believe this. Now, emotional attachment does change a relationship as it is the biggest difference between friendships and romances, but are you girls really incapable of having a good time and remaining on the same terms with the guy afterwards? I certainly hope not.

Some of you say that many times the guy changes and not the girl. I can certainly understand your argument. However, the reason why we hang around the people we do (i.e. firm our circle of friends) is because we have a lot in common. I don't think its a stretch to say that the personalities and ideals of the people in your group of friends are probably similar. That said, you probably have a good idea of how someone might react to an event like hooking up. And chances are, not a whole lot will change.

Off hand, I can think of 4 girls who were friends of mine before we hooked up. It's because neither of us bought into the patently false "friend zone" excuse and because we were very mature that we remain good friends to this day. No jealousy, no hard feelings, nothing. Just good, clean, fun. The other day a friend asked if it would be strange if we hooked up. I said it wouldn't. I'm mature. She's mature. It would work. I'm not sure it would actually happen for a few reasons, but I didn't reject the idea on the principle that I was/am her friend.

By the way, Samantha, I need those SATC dvd's back...


"Rack me, I am out..." -Clones on the Jim Rome show

Vegas

I'm really looking forward to this Vegas vacation. In some respects, this has been the worst summer of my life, in others, its been pretty decent. I need this. I really, really need this...

Texas Two Step - LG

This morning was rough, walking into work at 8:30 for an 11 hour day to
start a long week on the heals of a two night bender. For you veterans
out there, this was my first two-nighter in over a year, and Austin
made sure that the second leg was all that. Friday night at the Knight
looked dim as we walked up. Clockwork wasn't playin but we walked in
anyway. Thanks to my friend Rumple Minz, the night started quick and
turned into a large bar tab, but the time was great. Drinkin, dancin,
and just having a good ol' time. I have to hand it to Chris. Two
shots of Jager and go of tequila, followed my a swallow of the 100
proof schnapps. He was bound to end up leaning over somewhere. Once
again, I'm so happy my schedule said 'day off' on it.

A headache later I was on my way to the A,TX. I'm the type that loves
to hop. Drink here and bolt, "I know another place I want to get a
drink." With cigars in pocket, I was ready to fit my favorite drinks
into one night. Beers, Jagers, jello Shots at Cheers, a flaming Dr
Pepper at Touche's and the jager bomb to send me stumbling into the
streets. I was bound to be sitting in random places on the walk to the
car and drunk dialing all over the place. As far as I know, I didnt
call the one most of you would believe, but Sunday introduced me to a
few people who recieved my Dennis Leary meets George Carlin, "i'm so
wasted' phone calls. So I hear we smoked the cigars, another memory
given to me by others.

The highlight of the night: Amanda, the jager shot to end your night
was my pleasure, happy 21st! Tim knows how Rob and I treat friends on
21. Or would the highlight be smoking the cigar I don't remember?
Could it be the calls and messeges? Or just the time I had with the
crew living it up another night on Sixth? Whatever it was, the friends
I shared it with need a pat on the back for not cheesing out and showin
me a great time, reminding me of the friends I have and the times I
have ahead of me.

"now i ain't seen my baby since I don't know when, i'm drinkin burbon
whiskey, scotch and gin"

Mixing It Up

I want to get people's view on interracial dating. Clearly, I don't mind. I almost prefer it. I think a lot of people would do it more often but feel familial pressure to avoid it.

Anyway, what do you think? If preferred, e-mail me at cents45@yahoo.com if you want to keep the comments anonymous.

I don't know if any girls who are minorities read this blog, but I've always been curious as to why seeing a black guy with a white girl makes y'all mad. Les and I got so many looks whenever we went out. At first it kind of got to me, then I didn't care.

I hope this sparks some conversation..

Sunday

Sunday didn't begin well. I found out Leslie is moving to France. I found out through a friend. I don't even know if she plans to tell me. Truth be told, I'd like to see her once before she leaves, but that's probably not possible. Brenna suggested I call her, but I don't really want to, so I won't.

Anyway I spent most of the day with my friend Flor, who recently returned from a trip to Europe. Just chillin.

Went to Shadow Bar last night for my friend Myra's birthday. She'd been celebrating all weekend, so this capped it off. I like that place. There isn't the slightest notion of pretention there. There's also a lot of hot Hispanic girls. I was surprised. I met this girl named Maribel who is a songwriter last night. The girl was smokin. Didn't get her number. Should have asked. Probably would have gotten it. But I did also meet a lot of Myra's sorority sisters. They were cool.

I did have fun. This weekend has really started making me think about the whole notion of interracial dating. Clearly, I've got experience with it, much more than anyone else I know. That's the subject of my next blog.

New girls: 6 to 7
New digits: 1
Outlook: Well, there's always next weekend...

Saturday

I went to bed Saturday at around 4am, after puking my guts out on some lawn in Logan's neighborhood. I didn't even have a lot to drink. In this order, I drank: a Corona, a tequila shot, a Jaeger shot, another Corona, and another Jaeger shot. I've never been a believer in a proper order for drinking (i.e. liquor before beer and vice versa, mixing different liquors, etc), but apparently the liquor gods came out and made sure I learned the lesson. At least I didn't soil my brand new shirt I'd bought earlier that day. I suppose that's the bright spot.

Anyway, I felt like total shit all day. My body must have really been fucked because I managed to stay asleep until the afternoon. I still felt dizzy and had a terrible headache when I got up, so I ate some food. My stomach was still unsettled, but I had to fight through it. I started moving around my apartment at about 4:30. I made my way to the Metro station to catch the light rail to the stadium for the Texans game. We played the Denver Broncos, and lost 20-14.

Two things struck me at the game. First, the utter incompetence of the concession stand workers. I hate to talk about my own people, as most of them are black, but it is awful. It should not take 10 minutes to get an order of a prepackaged hot dog and a coke. It also should not take a long time to figure out that if the hot dog is $4.75 and the coke is $3.25, then my total is $8.00. No calculator, no group meeting needed. Fuck! And know the prices of the items, too. There's only like 9 things you can buy: 2 types of hot dogs, 2 types of nachos, 2 sizes of beer, and 3 sizes of soda. Memorize this shit! There's no need to ask your dumbass coworker for the fucking price every time. It backs up the line and makes me miss more of the game than I need to. Jesus this is fucking infuriating!

Second, I don't know what it is about football season, but it's like all the white girls in Houston just get fit and show their shit off at the stadium. Holy Jesus you are hot! I forgot I was with my parents yesterday and I found myself making comments about each woman who passed by. My mother said I had to stop. Ladies, the game doesn't even matter anymore, I just want to look at you. Anyway, after the game, I decided it was time to join 24hour fitness. So I am joining tomorrow.

The House threw a party Saturday night which was pretty fun. I didn't drink any alcohol because I still felt the effects of Friday night. I had a bottle of water and a few cups of Coke. There were some cool people there. There was this one girl, Francine, who was pretty good looking, but I'm not sure about her status. She's Mike D's friend, but I don't know what kind of friend she is. Don't want to step on Mike's toes. I felt bad because she really tried to strike up conversation, I just couldn't figure out how to make it go anywhere. Hopefully she comes around more.

I took Craig home and met Philip and Keith. Discussed some football and the Astros. Then I went home.

New girls: approx 4
New digimons: 0
Outlook: Not looking good

Mean Mugs

At the request of the house, I have decided to repost my pic. Everyone, this is what I look like:

Clarification

Everyone, please don't read too far into what I said. The last post was just to agree with LG's post. That's all. I'm fine. Though I do need to shave.

The Human Condition

This, a response to LG's previous post, is the 6th time I've cleared the screen and rewritten this post and I still don't know what I want to say. It's 3:44am (I've been working on this since 1:15). I don't know what I'm doing up. I'm sweating, my eyes burn from looking at this screen for so long, my hands hurt, I'm hungry, and I'm trembling. I'm listening to my new Jay-Z/Linkin Park Collision Course album. I haven't gone to bed before 6am for almost a week straight. And I can't sleep for more than 3 consecutive hours.

So what do I do?

Post to the blog.

I am extremely pleased to see Laura start her own blog. Despite her commentary, she paid us the greatest compliment by starting a post of her own.

I'm glad I met you.

The subtitle of this website talks about growing [up] in a strange world. I think LG's post earlier tonight perfectly fit that idea.

Most would agree that humans make friends and have relationships because of some need for companionship. You could probably say the same for most animal species. That's why we party, enjoy group activities, and live in neighborhoods. It's supposed to make us happier as people, help give us a sense of community, of belonging. It's intended to fill an emotional need.

But what happens when it doesn't? What happens when you have a million friends and still feel like your on an island all by yourself?

Many people have felt this. Perhaps the reason I am up right now has something to do with it. I empathize with LG's post. The nights suck. The drive home from work sucks (for me, any drive that I take alone). Any down time I have sucks. I live alone. My apartment doesn't feel inviting. It's not homely. It's four walls, carpet, and some appliances - a sterile environment. I know alot of people, but no one can solve that problem.

I hate the nights. I don't like going to bed. I'm used to falling asleep on the phone, hearing a certain voice at the end of the day. That's not there anymore. So I try to fill the void by talking to people on the phone during the evenings. I read a lot of books now, trying to tire myself that way. It used to work. Doesn't anymore. I talked to Brenna tonight for 47 minutes and 54 seconds tonight. Normally I would crash. But I can't now. That was 3 hours ago. I am wide awake searching for an answer. Like Neo in the Matrix.

Where's my white rabbit?

"Can't none of y'all mirror me back...Yeah hearin me rap is like hearin G. Rap in his prime...I'm, young H.O., rap's Grateful Dead...Back to take over the globe, now break bread...I'm in, Boeing jets, Global Express...Out the country but the blueberry still connect...On the low but the yacht got a triple deck...But when you Young, what the fuck you expect? Yep, yep "

Good Question - LG

Today I had lunch with Mario, UT guy at EY, a year behind me. Ahh,
Jason's Deli, a sandwhich and a cup of soup. We sat down with our food
and he asked me, 'how are you doin?' I decided to be completely
honest. All this talk about how everything is looking up. All is
well. I'm doing good. BLAH!! I told how I really was. I'm lonely.
I'm missing something that was there something that I was ready to have
for the rest of my life. I'm lonely without it.

I thought about this some after lunch. I hadn't thought about being
lonely. I live in a house with three guys, two old friends. Some old
friends have become closer friends, and all my primative needs are
being taken care of. I haven't acted lonely. Why did I just say that
I was?

I've come to this conclusion: If you want to know how you really feel
inside, look at yourself in the mornings when you get out of bed, look
at yourself when you're trying to go to sleep at night. What are you
thinking about on that drive home from work? This past month and half,
I wake up and I'm lonely. I try to sleep at night and I'm lonely. I
get off of work and I'm lonely. Time to break out some that aloe, like
Stewie tells Meg after he licks her tears, "your anguish sustains me"

Countdown to Vegas! 11 days!

"In your arms I was happy as a little boy could be"

Workin Man - LG

Today I thought about the conversation I had with my cousin Dale. I
turned my ears because I knew he was drawing from the experience of
having this done to him twice over. He said that digging himself in at
work helped him pass the time. Brilliant! Lucky for me tax is hitting
its busy season again. All the extensions we prepared earlier now need
the return. No problem. Over the past two months I have struggled at
work. I've struggled to keep busy. Keep my mind focused. For the
past 3 weeks I've been focused at work. When I'm sitting down with my
mound of paper work, I'm intent on kicking it back out. Its lovely
because for those hours I'm focused on something else. Then at the end
of the day, I feel good from a hard days work. So after all this, I'm
a better worker?

I'm starting to feel some of the "I'm better without you" feeling.
Things are still so great. I'm a young professional with things to do
and the means to do them. The beat of my drum seems to be slowly
moving back to center. The good days feel so good. Times like these
are why I will always wonder why a person would take their own life.
Even in despair, one day you'll have a good one. One day, something
will happen that makes the worst of them worth the life we live.

"Stunned by my own reflection It's looking back, sees me too clearly"

Sammy's

I met Evander Holyfield tonight.

The man's ear looks great. He's shorter than I thought he would be. Most celebrities are. Of course he had some pretty good looking babes with him, and a small entourage. I wish I had a digital camera. I thought about taking a pic on my camera phone, but it was too dark.

Anyway I was at a place called Sammy's. Sammy apparently was an old singer at the Gallant Knight. He, like MLK, had a dream. That dream was to have his own place one day. So he left the Knight and opened Sammy's. The place was packed. Too packed. I took Anca's advice and didn't wear a t-shirt tonight. Good thing, because I would have built a massive sweat.

I liked the music. I saw some friends who I hadn't seen in years. It was my friend Francis's birthday party. A good time was had by all. But my ears hurt. Those guys from the Knight ans Sammy's play some loud fucking music. Goodness. Anyway, it was fun. But I am sticking to the Knight.

New girls: 1
New numbers: 0
Outlook: A little shaky. The upcoming week is mildly critical. White girls, you perplex me.

An Awkward Situation

This is a random thought I had on the drive home from my friend's place today.

Invariably at this age when you meet people a natural question is what they do. Do they work? Are they in school? Etc. I am in an awkward situation. I hate having to explain - well, I just left investment banking and I'm not working now but I am applying to school but I don't know if I'll work because I don't really need to. Ugh. Frustrating. Anyone have any ideas how to simplify my explanation without sounding like a lazyass?

The Groove

The Gallant Knight with Klock Work on the stage is amazing. Hands down
the best times I've ever had in Houston have been at the Knight. And
last night I got tore up. Chris says he's never seen me that way. I'm
starting to find some more things about myself that I had forgotten
over the past few years. Dancing is fun and I like to do it. When
college started I was all about going out and dancing. I'm no Justin
Timberlake and I don't have a whole lot of moves but I've always
received compliments about the times ladies have had dancing with me.
For some reason I hit a spot where I wasn't as interested in dancing.
I'd rather sit to the side, post up and drink my drink. People would
try to get me to dance, and I'd tell them no, i can dance, but i dont
dance. The past two fridays at the Knight have really opened me up. I
cant help to think about why I stopped dancing. Why did dancing lose
its fun to me? Was it my dance partner?

Friday night served another purpose for curing my ills. Thursday night
Stacie called. I picked up. Still need to get the china. She of
course was thinking about me and wanted to check up on me. It was good
at first but we talked for entirely too long. Things got a little
emotional. So many times I thought about taking her for a ride. 'oh
yeah, i'll take you back....leave you on the altar' This aint my style.
She is still trying to talk me into something, not right away, but she
really wants me to keep it open. She knows I'm not over her. She's
right, but I told her that I was clear. I knew my situation and I know
that her and I will never have that relationship again. She doesn't
want me to be clear but its the truth. I had to tell her now. I'm
past all the anger with her. I forgive her for what she did. I will,
however, make no effort at reconciliation. She has to know this. I'm
not going to drag her through more than what she's given herself.

The Knight helped me in this way. I danced. I took my mind off of the
heartache, off of Stacie, and had a wonderful time. I didn't sit to
the side, posted up, drinking the night away. I mixed it up. I
fratenized with the ladies and had the after party at my house. I
don't remember some of the things I did but my room was messed up when
the sun came up. Hang overs suck but times like that are too good not
to have a little pain afterwards. Glad I wasn't the one at work by 8
this morning.

"i dont care what you do, i'm getting out..no nothing ever shames me."

The Gallant Knight

There isn't a need for a creative title to this blog. It is what it is. For the second night in a row, I should not have driven home, but I did anyway. No hook up tonight, but a good story nonetheless.

Logan convinces me to go to the Gallant Knight, this dive bar/club somewhere in Houston. I've been wanting to go for the past 12 months, and I finally make it.

This place rocks.

I couldn't believe it. I thought it would be some gigantic bar scene with a bunch of posers. Turns out the $10 cover charge really is a good filter. Logan picks up my cover. I love you man. There is a band. The name is Klock Work. I like Klock Work. They rock work. Like clock work.

I go with Logan's roomates Philip, Craig, Matt and friends Craig, Mario, Mike D (who is moving to Alabama soon - the outing tonight was in his honor), Laura, and Janelle. It's a good time. Mixed crowd, both racially and agewise.

I spat the initial stages of game to Janell. She wasn't really feeling it. But that's ok. I have a big ass pile of game to draw from. I'm pretty aggressive. My good friend Kristin calls me the 2nd most sexually agressice guy she knows. Second only to a guy who makes regular appearances on HBO's Real Sex series. Not much aggression tonight. There was a half black, half asian girl in the club tonight who was BANGIN'. I didn't know what to do. Froze up again. Dammit. Whatever, I'm rich.

I can't wait to hit that spot again. I was pleased to see the older women there. That's so hot. 34 year-old's don't fuck around. They give it to you straight. I like that. I lost my ring about a month ago. Tiffany silver mesh. I need another one. It's hot. I'm going to Austin tomorrow. Hook 'em, bitches.

Girls met: 0
Numbers: 1 - but it doesn't count. It was Laura's. Nothing against her, but I know who she is. No game spit to get it.
Outlook: I still can't believe I nailed an asian girl last night. That was a great moment in hookup history.

Poser

Women make the best wingmen. Hands down. They do all the work and they don't even know it. I shouldn't give myself much credit. I do talk a good game, but it's not great. It's better than that of Wes and Neahmiah, but it's not stellar. Oh well.

And yes, she knew the deal.

In other news I had 2 dreams last night. First, that I was back in my investment banking job and was put on a shitty project that would require me to be there all night. Second dream was that I was flew to Chicago and was attacked by dogs. Anyone care to explain this?

Team America - Fuck Yea

5'1", 105, bronze. Asian. Hot. Spicy. Exotic. Lisa, not Lisa Chang, just for clarification.

I had help, but it looks like the game is back. I had a wingwoman. The hot Romanian. I love you!! Holy shit. I have to excuse myself because I've been drinking and I type slow as shit. I'm also on the phone with my homegirl Brenna. I told her last night that if she were to draw her name it would be a perfect color spectrum. It would be like red to pink to white. Whatever, it's an inside joke.

Anyway, I'm at the bar. Sitting outside. Country music blasting in my ear. I feel out of place. So I start talking to this girl, who initially asks why I took so long talking to her. I say it's because I wasn't ready. She says I play it cool. I do play it cool. I am a smooth ass motherfucker. I spit game. She swallows. She says, "I'm going to close my tab, let's go inside." I think to myself, "It can't be this easy."

It is this easy.

My wingwoman leaves. We leave. I discover she's also 3 weeks out of a relationship. Her hood is pierced. I wreck. I come back. I close my tab. I go home and talk to Brenna. It's a great convo. I can't wait to go to vegas. Holy shit. I'm hungry. Leslie texted me tonight. She's sending my shit. The divorce is settled. I am sad.

I am human. I am recovering. I love you.

Mixed Emotions

A little history here. I met Les in the fall of 2001. I was an RA in the brand spanking new San Jacinto dormitory and she happened to be a resident. I liked her from the start. Don't know what it was, but I just liked her alot. It's almost a full 4 years later, and I still really feel the same way. I think about this girl a lot every day, but something has seemed to change recently...

I'm known to all my friends as someone who is always in control of his emotions. I rarely get visually flustered or openly frustrated. To be cliche, I am calm, cool, and collected. I'm always the person that tries to diffuse a tense situation. This isn't to say that I always avoid conflict, but I would rather disable a bomb than see it explode.

Perhaps it is because I've left investment banking and don't work now that I think about my relationship a lot, probably more than what is healthy. But part of me has actually started to get angry at Leslie. Even though I genuinely want to be very good friends with her, I get these extreme bursts of anger that make me want to hate her. I don't know what to do about that. One can see how this is frustrating. I want to know if this is normal. How in the world could I want to hate someone who I have liked or loved every day for the past 4 years? That can't be normal, can it?

I'm glad I dated this girl. I feel that I was a bit of a late bloomer when it came to serious relationships. I'd dated girls before, but none of them were serious at all. Stupid, stupid relationships. I consider, therefore, Leslie to be the first girl I fell in love with - my first love fi you will. But inevitably I have to ask myself if dating her was a good decision or not. Despite the amount of heartache I have experienced recently, I have to say I am glad to have been with her. I liked getting her random gifts "just because." I liked going through airport security because it meant I would see Les shortly thereafter. I didn't mind being tired at work one morning because it meant I had a wonderfully long conversation with Les the night before. I didn't care that many friends spoke out against dating her because she was so far away. It was worth it. Every minute, every airline mile, every movie, every dinner, every trip, every shopping excursion, every evening stayed in, every mobile-to-mobile call, every piece of jewelry, every bouquet of flowers, everything. I grew emotionally and matured as a person. Some philosopher said it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

I have come to believe this.

Rethinking The Mission

Logan and I had a short chat yesterday about the direction of this blog. My initial purpose was to tell stories about meeting new women. The problem is that the opportunity presents itself generally 2 (maybe 3) days a week, so the blog would be boring. Then I decided that I would talk about relationships in general and get a second view from my friend. Now we've decided the best focus for this blog is no focus at all. This means it will be a forum for us to express opinions / thoughts on a variety of topics. It will be a journal of sorts. For my part, I have a lot of views on a lot of subjects, but there probably will be a common thread on the mechanics of successful and unsuccsessful relationships, because I feel like it's an important topic to me right now. I don't know what Logan plans to do, but whatever it is will be a value add to this blog.

Lessons in Life - LG

I'm a dreamer. I like dreaming. Love dreaming.  But sometimes they can really screw with your head.  I feel for anyone who constantly has nightmares.  That would be absolutly awful.  Most of time mine are great.  Sometimes I've had dreams that foreshadowed different events.  The way something happened was not the same but the end result was exact.  So I'm wary of dreams I have sometimes.  Obviously during these times my dreams are going to hit different nerves and last night hit a new one. 

 

Last night I was faced with how I would react when coming face to face with the scum.  The piece of trash that two-faced his 'friends' and did it so dispicable that many, many people think and know that he deserves an ass kickin.  He needs his ass beaten!  But we don't do that.  We are above men of his kind, if we can call him a man at all.  So, what do I do?  And that is what I thought about as I got ready for work and up to the minute I turned on my computer. 

 

I learned from my father in recent weeks, something he learned at church.  Mom has usually been the one to do the preaching (love em both), so this caught me a little of gaurd.  He said "You can't have reconciliation without forgiveness, but you can have forgiveness without reconciliation."  This answers my question.  I do no harm.  Although the desire would be strong when that day comes that we meet again, I would do no harm.  To forgive I would have to let my anger subside and I'm not ready to do that.  It's not going to happen in the near future.  The same can be said for my ex-fiance.  I mean her no harm.  She's done enough to herself, and if history repeats itself (which it does) she'll do it again...to someone else.  Kuddos to who ever knows the lyrics, let me know if you know the song.

 

"i'd rather be...i'd rather be with an animal"

Reality

It has been rougly a week since I started this blog, and in that week I have received a great deal of criticism (a little praise, but mostly criticism) on the blog. I have to admit that the criticism has weighed on my conscience. It's because I really respect the opinion of those who have expressed disapproval that I have decided to clean up the blog. You'll notice that Cruel Intentions part 1 and 2 (aka Sequels Are Always Worse) are now gone. Someone called it mysogynistic, which is clearly incorrect. No part of this blog supresses women, even in the least bit, and I'd challenge anyone to argue (coherently) that it does. Other criticisms have been that it's tacky, which is probably true. But the biggest criticism came from my friend Brenna...

I had a fairly long conversation with her last night (just over 3 hours), and we talked about the blog a bit. She said that if she didn't know me and read the blog, she'd probably hate me. I was floored. I'm not this type of person. Most of my friends know this (after all, they are my friends for a reason). That was the biggest incentive to refocus this thing.

Brenna also told me something that it proving to be a gigantic pill to swallow. She pontificated that it is virtually impossible to get over someone in any time period shorter than roughly a year. I respect and trust her opinion, so it's hard for me to say she's flat out wrong. I'd guess I'd like to believe that I am capable of getting over someone much sooner, especially since I buy into the notion that the best way to get over someone is to meet someone else. The problem is that the "someone else" could be the "rebound" person. Because of this, I have decided that I will not date anyone, because it would be incredibly wrong to lead a girl on as if you like her and know all along that she's just filling a convenience void. I still think it's ok to hook up with different people. Granted, many women tend to get attached (I really do think I am a decent looking guy and my personality is what attracts people to me) more easily than guys, so I would need to develop an understanding of the situation with any girl I wanted to get with. I really don't want to hurt people. No one deserves to be hurt because of something that I am going through.

Anyway, I hope this helps to set some things straight. I want more people to comment. Our friend Laura just mailed in a comment, which was very much appreciated.