The Human Condition

This, a response to LG's previous post, is the 6th time I've cleared the screen and rewritten this post and I still don't know what I want to say. It's 3:44am (I've been working on this since 1:15). I don't know what I'm doing up. I'm sweating, my eyes burn from looking at this screen for so long, my hands hurt, I'm hungry, and I'm trembling. I'm listening to my new Jay-Z/Linkin Park Collision Course album. I haven't gone to bed before 6am for almost a week straight. And I can't sleep for more than 3 consecutive hours.

So what do I do?

Post to the blog.

I am extremely pleased to see Laura start her own blog. Despite her commentary, she paid us the greatest compliment by starting a post of her own.

I'm glad I met you.

The subtitle of this website talks about growing [up] in a strange world. I think LG's post earlier tonight perfectly fit that idea.

Most would agree that humans make friends and have relationships because of some need for companionship. You could probably say the same for most animal species. That's why we party, enjoy group activities, and live in neighborhoods. It's supposed to make us happier as people, help give us a sense of community, of belonging. It's intended to fill an emotional need.

But what happens when it doesn't? What happens when you have a million friends and still feel like your on an island all by yourself?

Many people have felt this. Perhaps the reason I am up right now has something to do with it. I empathize with LG's post. The nights suck. The drive home from work sucks (for me, any drive that I take alone). Any down time I have sucks. I live alone. My apartment doesn't feel inviting. It's not homely. It's four walls, carpet, and some appliances - a sterile environment. I know alot of people, but no one can solve that problem.

I hate the nights. I don't like going to bed. I'm used to falling asleep on the phone, hearing a certain voice at the end of the day. That's not there anymore. So I try to fill the void by talking to people on the phone during the evenings. I read a lot of books now, trying to tire myself that way. It used to work. Doesn't anymore. I talked to Brenna tonight for 47 minutes and 54 seconds tonight. Normally I would crash. But I can't now. That was 3 hours ago. I am wide awake searching for an answer. Like Neo in the Matrix.

Where's my white rabbit?

"Can't none of y'all mirror me back...Yeah hearin me rap is like hearin G. Rap in his prime...I'm, young H.O., rap's Grateful Dead...Back to take over the globe, now break bread...I'm in, Boeing jets, Global Express...Out the country but the blueberry still connect...On the low but the yacht got a triple deck...But when you Young, what the fuck you expect? Yep, yep "