'Tis the Season

Allow me to present my Christmas wish list...

• Tickets to the LSU - ohio state game (and an LSU victory)
• The Art of Shaving set
• Polo Belt
• A copy of "Moneyball"

Update

I took this down temporarily. Now it's back (clearly).

ESPN did a cool article on Bo Jackson today. You can access it here.

I decided on a job, but you have to ask (in person) if you really want to know.

NOLA talent...

...no, I'm not talking about myself, but that's a good guess :-)

In addition to the Christmas tunes (I have an AWESOME collection), I am loving this song right now...

From The Mind of Chris..

Over the next week to 10 days, I will be writing about a variety of topics that have popped into my head. These topics will include:

• Things that I believe in (based on a survey of at least 4 people over the weekend)
• Why I can never be proper friends with girls (based on conversations over the past 12-14 months, this will probably be called F Bomb, Part Deux)
• How modesty and unmistakably superior talent go hand in hand
• My Christmas list (you'll want to pay close attention to this)

Like I said, each of these have been on my mind recently, so as I usually do, I'm gonna detail my thoughts (however ridiculous, I know) for all of you to see/criticize.

Anyway, I had a very average weekend, hope y'alls was better!

LUV

Why am I writing in this blog at 1:50am on a Friday night? Good question. I guess the answer ultimately lies in the availability (or lackthereof) of social options for the evening. I got caught up at Trudy's on this evening and never made it to downtown, so tomorrow will have to be catch-up.

At any rate, I spent my day in Dallas in a sell-day function for the 'debt shop' I mentioned a few days ago. I love day trips that require short flights (so basically Houston, Dallas, SA, New Orleans). I flew Southwest.

What I have always found interesting (at least since I have begun to fly alone) is the dynamic that pervades Southwest's boarding procedures (i.e. the open seating policy). Basically, if you're in the last part of the B boarding group or behind, you're screwed. No aisle seats, no window deats. Only middles. Today I was in the back half of B for both my flights. Perhaps no one else thinks about this, but I have to mentally prepare myself for my "seating strategy" on these flights. I swear I pulled the reverse-staredown on this one woman whose middle seat I was eyeing. I am positive her mind said "please God don't let him choose this seat. I don't have a legitimate excuse for telling him nom, but...." So I passed it up and sat somewhere else.

Anyway, that's it. Just thought it was interesting.

Finally, for you non-BHP students who STILL haven't figured out why the title of this post is so-called, I guess I'll have to spell it out. LUV is the stock symbol for Southwest Airlines.

Rule #73: No excuses, play like a champion.

Rule #26: Be straightforward in everything you do. Vagueness is undesirable.

Rule# 7: Always, always, always believe in yourself.

And yes, I listen/jam out to Beyonce. Deal with it.

Champs

I have the widest grin on my face right now.

We won it all. :-) :-) :-) :-)

Yep, team MBA entered tonight's all-university tournament the lowest seed (of the four division winners), and rose to the occasion to win the tournament. After beating the Orange A champion 20-14, we had to go to overtime to beat the fraternity league winner, Fiji, 21-20.

This was huge. No MBA team has won the entire unversity tournament. And since we're the biggest college in the country, and thus have the biggest talent pool, we're truly collegiate national champions. Awesome. Just awesome.

So we'll celebrate. Rosh and Rapp will go to Logans. Kenny will go to the Pig. I'll go to Spill. And we'll all toast to this performance. And it will be glorious.

I just came across what I think is a hilarious conversation between a seemingly bitter member of the "Legal Eagles" and one of his classmates which talks about how mad he is that his team lost to us. As if they were invincible. Enjoy!

law student (2:44:49 PM): well hello
Legal Eagles player (2:45:21 PM): hello to you too
Legal Eagles player (2:45:34 PM): what did I do to deserve this special attention?!
law student (2:45:48 PM): are you or are you not a member of the legal eagles?
Legal Eagles player (2:46:04 PM): I am, what of it?
law student (2:46:08 PM): hahahaha
Legal Eagles player (2:46:16 PM): boooo!
Legal Eagles player (2:46:29 PM): so what's up?
Legal Eagles player (2:46:37 PM): are you going to give me a hard time?
law student (2:46:58 PM): pretty much
law student (2:47:03 PM): one of my ta's is on the team
Legal Eagles player (2:47:11 PM): the eagle's?
law student (2:47:23 PM): no, the team you suckers lost to
Legal Eagles player (2:47:53 PM): god I wanted to jump off a building
Legal Eagles player (2:48:37 PM): that was the worst game we ever played, you can tell him I say your welcome for gifting them the win
Legal Eagles player (2:48:53 PM): we dropped a sure interception that would have changed the game
law student (2:48:59 PM): yeah yeah. stop making excuses, brady quinn.
Legal Eagles player (2:49:05 PM): I mean I can make excuses all day long
Legal Eagles player (2:49:10 PM): I don't play QB
law student (2:49:14 PM): hahaha
Legal Eagles player (2:49:17 PM): but for real we beat ourselves
law student (2:49:29 PM): well, i'm glad my boys could be along for the ride
Legal Eagles player (2:49:44 PM): I know they were pumped as fuck
Legal Eagles player (2:49:55 PM): "the reign is over!"
Legal Eagles player (2:50:02 PM): got shouted about forty million times
Legal Eagles player (2:50:37 PM): the other TD they had got tipped twice
Legal Eagles player (2:50:46 PM): I mean really we totally fucked shit up
Legal Eagles player (2:51:20 PM): it was fucking embarrassing
law student (2:51:32 PM): deep breath
Legal Eagles player (2:51:36 PM): a team from a different division came specifically to scout us
Legal Eagles player (2:51:41 PM): and then we shit the bed
law student (2:52:05 PM): good thing it's only flag football. you're even more competitive than i am.
Legal Eagles player (2:54:29 PM): I would like to stop talking about this now
Legal Eagles player (2:54:35 PM): thanks so much for bringing it up
Legal Eagles player (2:55:24 PM): goddamnit
Legal Eagles player (2:55:35 PM): I really wish there was a forum for us to play them again
Legal Eagles player (2:55:46 PM): now I am all worked up about this shit again
Legal Eagles player (2:55:47 PM): fuck

This guy sounds alot like little Matt Leinart after USC lost to Texas in the 2006 national championship.

MBA '08: All-University champs baby!!!!

The Worst Class Ever

I am currently enrolled in what I firmly believe is the worst class ever conceived and administered by an academic institution. It is so bad that the students have taken to complaining (rightfully so) to the administration. I provide a sample of the complaints for your enjoyment below:

• Corona (current professor) is a sharp contrast to Brandl (former prof)
• Microphone malfunction has a big impact (this guys wears a mic, it never works. he blames our freaking cell phones!!)
• Taught in a childish way
• Attendance taking by the TA is not organized and consistent from class to class
• No one wants to make the idiot answer to the childish question
• The rules for the class are explained in a way that is very juvenile
• Students are disinterested and are demonstrating this through "checked-out" behavior
• "No man left behind" approach to teaching
• The class focus is on homework problems and how to solve the problem without discussionof theory or the "why"
• No connection from topic to topic
• Lack of depth of teaching
• Tone is boring/lack of energy

Yep, the worst class ever. All for $225 per hour. Way to go, managerial accounting!

Sweet & Sour...

Today was awesome and slightly crappy at the same time. Allow me to explain...

4:45pm: I get out of my Investment Fund class. I prepare to go to the IM fields to begin preparation for our IM championship game.
5:15: get to the fields, beging warmups
6:00: game begins
7:00: game ends. WE WON!!! We defeated the squad that hadn't lost the championship in 10+ years. Life is very, very good.
7:05: Chris officially floats to Cloud nine.
7:13: Chris's guest (incidentally the girl he goes out with yesterday who comes to watch the game) drops the F bomb. "I'm such a good friend for coming out tonight." Chris agrees, but is clearly taken by surprise. Thinks to himself, "oh shit, she said friend. Uh oh."
7:14: The crew leaves for 3rd base (this is a sports bar, people).
8:30: Chris goes to help finance challenge team.
10:00: C&A
2:00 (i.e. now): blog entry

Yep, there you have it. First and foremost, team MBA1 defeated the 10-time defending champion Legal Eagles 19-13 to win the university championship of graduate level football. As a team member, I was (am) super excited about this achievement. Proudly will I display (translation: wear) the 2008 IM champion t-shirt. I think I'll be celebrating this victory for at least the next 2 to 3 weeks. Goodness knows I will toast to it every chance I get (along with Texas' 2005 national championship of course).

Second, some general commentary (in this case, me complaining about something). I wish I could broadcast simultaneously on every medium available, but ladies, you all should recognize that the F bomb (aka the word "friend") is not easily received by guys who may have some sort of an interest in you. I couldn't be more clear (guys, back me up on this). You may as well take the dagger, puncture, twist, and release b/c it's just about the same effect. If you're putting 2 and 2 together, scroll up to my mini-timeline and do the math. Yea, exactly. This may be over before it gets off the ground. We shall see.

Finally, evidently, I have some haters in my midsts. Guess I'll be on the lookout for y'all as well.

Rockets won tonight, beat those Spurs by 8. Nice!

Ok that's it. I'm tired.

Faux Pas

As some of you know, I had to leave town last week for interviews at a company in Dallas. As is typical with the second/final round interview format, the company took us out for cocktails and dinner on Thursday evening, followed by lots of interviews on Friday. The event which I am about to detail for you took place at dinner this past Thursday night...

We were taken out to the Sambuca cafe in Uptown, where we had their entire patio area reserved for our visit. This was nice because the patio was spacious and there weren't very many people in our party (maybe 9 students and 6 or 7 current employees). After cocktail hour, we take our places at the 3 tables they have set up for us (pre-arranged namecards determined where we sat). I end up sitting in front of an associate in the group who happens to be a former Fund manager (don't worry if that doesn't mean anything to you). I'm on the Fund, so we have a conversation jumping off point (which is good because I wasn't wearing a wristband...). At some point during the conversation, we observe that we're both out of wine and we want some more. Unfortunately, the restaurant only gave us 1 waiter (for a party of 15), and he was nowhere to be found...

It is at that moment when my friend Caroline comes through the door to join our party. Caroline also goes to UT with me and was also interviewing. Caroline is also Asian (this will become important later). She took a later flight from Austin and thus arrived later than everyone else. Everyone knew this was going to happen...

So, upon seeing a fresh new face, the associate across from me assumes this girl is a waitress or hostess or someone in the servitude function. So he stops her and asks her if she can bring more wine for the table. Caroline, being very tactful about this, calmly says she's actually a student interviewing and not a waitress. The associate is totally embarrassed. He apologizes profusely. I am amused.

This story gets worse...

So we get through our meal and the associate (after having another 3 glasses or so) decides he has to go home. Before he leaves, however, he says he should apologize once more to Caroline. I'm thinking this is a good move. So I say farewell and he proceeds to the table where Caroline is sitting (we had 3 tables). In the meantime, I make smalltalk with some other students and associates. This continues for about 3 minutes when I look up expecting to see the associate apologizing again to Caroline. What I was was absolutely incredible (and not in a good way). He was apologizing to the wrong girl!!! To make matters worse, he was talking to the only other Asian girl there! I almost lost it. This other girl, who goes to Chicago GSB, had a total look of confusion on her face. Caroline can't believe it either. Nor could I. These two looked completely different (Caroline is fit and pretty cute, the other girl was, well, lets just say she should start each day with some situps and make a large equity investment in ProActiv.) They were wearing totally different outfits and looked nothing alike.

Caroline and I shared a pretty good laugh about this later at the hotel. Never in my life have I seen such a turn of events. Absolutely amazing.

Why does the Carpenter center smell like a locker room today? I think people have decided to shop showering to make more time for the finance challenge.

Football championship and C&A (maybe) tonight!

Wildcard

Before I write this post, I want to say how much I am flattered that some of you implore (beg) me to post more stuff on this blog (that goes for you, TJ and Tiger2L). It feels good that many of you are, at a minimum, mildly entertained by what I have to say on here. All I'll say is this: Most of you know me personally. For those that don't, I am a graduate student and sometimes don't have a lot of time to post stuff. I do it when I can, but just know that sometimes it is not possible.

Anyway, I finally have more, relevant, somewhat entertaining material to talk about tonight...

I found myself on this first Monday of November explaining to someone about how I went about getting background information on this particular individual (Chris was kind of on a date tonight. Yes, I know what you're thinking. Trust me, I can't believe it either. I guess I have at least a minimum level of charm lurking somewhere on this body...) when she also informs me she did some background research on yours truly. Thinking nothing of it, I said it was a good move on her part. So she says she's talked to some of my friends (which I expect) but then breaks out what can only be described as "the wildcard." Yep, you guessed it, she reads my blog. I'll be honest, I freaked out in my head for a few seconds. I'm thinking, "FUCK! Wow, I've been out with her for like an hour and she just Game, Set, Matched me. That's a wrap on any chance I had with her." Thankfully it wasn't (well, the jury's still out on that one). Anyway, I thought it was funny. I guess I don't get upstaged very often, so part of me was somewhat impressed.

She makes a valid point: I guess I don't consider how these blog posts some across to people who read them (e.g. the Hot Black Guy and Bisquick posts). Of course, this is the benefit of actually knowing me. Any good writer needs some spice to keep the people coming back, so perhaps that's why I give a little more, but who knows.

In other news, the last IM football game of my illustrious career is tomorrow. 6pm at the IM fields. Come support MBA1 as we challenge the Legal Eagles for the graduate league championship!

As usual, C&A tomorrow night.

Stay up y'all.


...and yes, she asked about the wristband :-)

Debt Shop

Got an offer today from a debt shop in DFW. More to come. Go me.

Grovin'

As many of you know, a large contingent of Longhorns (including yours truly) made the trip to Oxford, MS this past weekend for some SEC football, good food, southern hospitality, and a general good time.

The trip lived up to its billing. With the exception of what in my estimation was the worst game-deciding call in a football game since the 2003 Fiesta Bowl (Ohio State-Miami), the weekend rocked.

My friend Gris wrote a most excellent piece on the experience, which I echo, so you all should read it!

Girls in Pearls: My Dreams of the SEC

Well, faithful readers, it's almost here. In 12 hours and 8 minutes, Chris will depart for Oxford, MS, for a weekend that has been built up for me for nearly a year.

Yep, you guessed it, Chris is going to the Grove at Ole Miss to drink bourbon, eat cheese grits, drink more bourbon, and holler at women.

In what promises to be one of the more enjoyable weekends of my life, 13 fellow classmates (actually, they're friends) and I are attending a weekend of football, parties, and general elegance in the heart of the southeastern conference. The message has been delivered: Texas is coming down for the game, and people seem excited to host. To say that I am excited would be an understatement.

Never one to look out of place, I wound up having to purchase attire for this weekend (don't worry people, you'll find pics posted on my facebook account shortly after I get back). Items bought specifically for this weekend include: navy blue polo shirt, white polo shirt, khakis, steve maddens, top siders. Yes, I bought a fucking pair of top siders -- I can't believe it either. Of course, I will sport the wristbands (I am bring red, white, blue, and black bands) so as to avoid any misguided Carlton references (for the record, I am 5'8" which is a full 2 inches taller than him, in better shape, and obviously more charismatic). To complete the look, I borrowed the official ROCC (read: River Oaks Country Club) belt from my privileged friend B-lo.

Obviously, I can't wait to see the girls, but I also want to see Gris break out the old UVA fratboy looks. Methinks he'll find himself in his natural habitat. Haha.

The only downside here are those pesky little midterms that loom around the corner (translation, next week). Those should go ok, provided I get some studying done over the next two days.

I do apologize in advance for any drunk dials any of you may receive. Of course, if I'm drunk dialing then that means I'm not doing my job on these SEC women. So we'll see.

Texas by 35 over Iowa State in the Chizik Bowl. Missouri over Oklahoma.

Stay up y'all.

You Had Me At KFC

I wanna meet this chick. Hilarious.

Bisquick: Encouraging Bad Sex Since 1931

Why am I writing this at 4:00am on a week (school)night? I blame an influential undergraduate mentee, his hot (Syrian??) friend, a couple 2Ls, Soulja Boy, and a little establishment named Spill.

Yep, you'd think I didn't when I did. Chris hit up Spill on a random Wednesday night. As usual, it wasn't planned (why are my best times not planned?), but rather it just happened out of chance. I planned to go to bed around 9:30 last night, but after a short phone call inviting me to Cain & Abels (yes, I went there last night) and my natural inclination to hit up Spill, I found myself racing home to change (which I did in 1 minute flat), and speeding out to 6th and Brazos for some cheap drinks, good music, and feet shuffling.

And here's the kicker: I didn't have a wristband. Of course, it wasn't crowded, so there was minimal sweating. I was accompanied by an FAP mentee and two friends of his (both girls, both attractive mind you).

At some point, Tiger2L shows up with law school entourage in tow. Tiger2L is exctied to "crank dat" at the drop of a hat. Chris is excited too (Chris "cranked dat" at C&A earlier in the evening). Hot Syrian wants to learn how to crank it. I oblige. May include her in the official video filming next week.

A quick note on half Syrian, half white chicks: these girls can dance. Seriously. She was incredible. She's getting a call-back.

A heart healthy What-a-burger meal capped off the evening, but my enjoyment of the meal was somewhat diminished by 2Ls insistence of describing what can only be known as the "pancake" sex practices of her ex-boyfriend. People, I tried to make her stop talking. Seriously. But, I shouldn't be surprised at 2Ls reluctance to spare me the nasty, Aunt Jemima details. Lawyers like to hear themselves speak. :-)

More to come. Texas beats oklahoma: 2 days.

And yes, her nose is fucking huge. It extends like 2 inches from her face. That ain't natural. Ask Michael Jackson.

Random thoughts..

I'm feeling a bit sluggish (and kind of sick actually) because I'm still having flashbacks to the massacre that was the Texas-Kansas State game yesterday. I've never seen us play like that, and it hurts. We had better get our act together because if we lose to oklahoma next week, we're gonna fund ourselves unranked for the first time in about 8 or 9 years.

The other random thought is that I noticed that about 99.5% of the girls from Kansas State I saw out last night were totally busted. Thank goodness I live in a city with attractive women.

That's all I got. I'm already looking forward to next week in Dallas. More to come this week. If you read this before Tuesday night, be sure to come to Cain & Abels around 9 in the evening. $1 beers never get old :-)

Everywhere Like Such As

This isn't new news; certainly by now everyone has seen the video below...



As a US American, I must say that I've never seen the entire English language go down for an 8-count like that. It stood no chance. In opening her mouth, Ms. Upton threatened the foundation of our method of communication. At the end of that verbal massacre, all that was left were remnants of ebonics, creole, and whatever language people in her home state (South Carolina, where, incidentally, the age of consent for girls is 14!!) speak. She tried to go on for 3 seconds after the bell, but English was having none of it. It was badly beaten and didn't even want to get up. Way to go Lauren.

Backsweat

Yes, I have better shit to write about, but this hit me about 15 minutes ago when I was coming out of the UTC. I roll off the elevators and begin to make my way across the street over to the b-school. I get a frontal view of this smoking hot chick, so, as I usually do, I stare and point her out to my friend. So he stares. We like hot women (who doesnt?). Anyway, we pause to allow her to walk by and also so we can scope out her ass. But, like so many things in life, I was horrified at what I saw...yep, you guessed it, the chick was sweating the hell out of the back of her shirt. And no, she wasn't coming from the gym.

It was gross, and a total turnoff. Huge disappointment. But it made me think of the general problem of backsweat and how we deal with it. Unfortunately, because I go to a school in a very warm weather climate area, these are the issues we must deal with (I, for example, take nearly 3 showers a day during the first 3 weeks of school b/c it is so damn hot).

Yes, backsweat affects us all, but there are some people who probably should not be seen with it: (1) hot girls. Um, that's all I can think of. I guess everyone else can have it b/c no one really looks at you all the time on campus.

In other news, it seems that the Soulja Boy trend is growing. I taught a law student, and fellow Louisianian (yea, I know, I should not be fraternizing with future lawyers...rememeber the Magee curve...) the dance yesterday.

Finally, I am really excited about my plans for the next 4 weekends:

This weekend: Texas vs K-State, Mu Beta Alpha dirrrty throwdown Friday night

10/6: Texas - Oklahoma (Dallas, TX). After seeing some chick puke out the side of her car AND KEEP DRIVING last year, I can't wait to see the nastiness that is Texas-ou weekend

10/13: Ole Miss vs Alabama (Oxford, MS). My first SEC game in like 15 years. Insert joke about black guy voluntarily going to party in, of all places, Mississippi. Yea, I think it's funny too.

10/20: Notre Dame vs USC (South Bend, IN). Crossing stadium #1 I must see before I die off my list (others are Neyland and Tennessee and The Swamp at Florida). This game won't be good, but I'll be really happy to be in attendance.

Superman That Ho

I guess I figured out somewhere in Orlando that the currently popular dance these days is "Crank Dat", a dance popularized by rap scene newcomer, Soulja Boy. Most of you have figured out that I have extremely varied tastes in everything from music to food to women. This applies here. I think Crank Dat is a garbage song, straight up garbage. However, because there's a halfway cool dance to it, I am demanding that this song be played 3 times a night in the bars/clubs. But that's not why I am writing this blog entry...

I'm writing this entry because I personally find this dance step routine to be really, REALLY easy. I find it so easy in fact that I picked it up literally in 20 seconds two weekends ago while it was playing at a club I was at. However, I guess a shitload of people aren't capable of learning such things very quickly.

In support of my assertion, faithful readers, I point you to yet another youtube clip, aptly named "Soulja Boy - How to Crank That - INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO!" where an astonishing 7 million people have watched it in an attempt to pick this up. I find it hilarious that people are so into this. Click here for the link to the video in case you too wish to learn this. What I find particularly funny about this video is that it's being filmed in an empty swimming pool. Look closely. Maybe if he puts out another song, he can film his next dance step instructional video (by the way, who actually does that??? MJ never showed people how to moonwalk. JT isn't offering dance lessons...) in a normal setting (perhaps a real dance studio).

Anyway, thats my rant.

In other news, Semain thinks Texas should be number 12. I think I'm gonna kick his ass.

Orlando, Florida

So two weeks ago I went to the 407 (Orlando, FL) for the NBMBAA conference. It rocked. I've spoken to most of you about it, but quick highlights were:

• got a job offer
• met Shaq
• met Shaq a second time
• partied at Disney World (best party I've been to in the past 1 year)
• spent $100 at dinner on two appetizers (yes, I can't believe either)
• discovered Courvosier (i love that stuff)
• met a hot chick from Ross
• did i mention i met Shaq - twice

In other news, this past weekend was the dirtiest, nastiest, most beautiful, wonderful time I've had since...well, last weekend:

• 2nd place (out of 32 teams) in competitive flag football tournament
• met five different girls born in 1988 or later on 3 separate occasions (this in itself are funny stories, totally random)
• watched texas destroy rice (finally, we covered a spread)
• and, of course, i got my gigantic-ass TV. 60 inches of high definition tv watching goodness. i don't want to leave my couch. but i will b/c i'm a sociable dude

Lastly, there is a ton of shit that I will be writing about over the next couple of weeks, so check back often!

Longhorns and Bruins really CAN get along!

I gotta say, this was probably my most favorite guest-hosting experience ever. Not to knock any of you other out of town readers, but I really, really enjoyed this one.

On Thursday, my friend MD and her friend BB came in from LA to visit me in ATX. I met MD from an event at UT that took place last year.

They're both UCLA, I'm Texas. They're Pac-10, I'm Big XII. They're "hella cool dude" and I'm a "nice southerner, y'all". But despite these random differences, I was tasked to show them a good time. Thankfully, Austin was the perfect setting.

Between the Hula Hut, UT and UT Football (again girls, I wish we had played better), a taste of the 6th and 4th street bar scene, some good Austin food (not to mention free Wendy's frosty's AND home cooked brunch on Saturday, which I'm still having little taste bud orgasms over), and a couple random jokes about Indian IT consulting firms and "the Iraq", I had a blast with these two. In what may be the biggest understatement of the year, I can't wait to go out to LA to visit. Hopefully I can get out there within the next few months (MD starts a prominent California-based business school program in a month, so scheduling with have to wait until then).

I wish they could have stayed longer. Driving back home from the airport was kind of depressing b/c I had such a good time and missed them already. Seriously, you two have an open invitation, (correction, a wide-open invitation) to come down whenever you want, and I really mean that.

In other news, there's more football on today, and I have a ton of hw to do, so I'll write more later.

The Attraction Zone

A funny picture I found the other day...


When you add alcohol, the picture turns to...

Platonic rules...

These are borrowed (and re-borrowed) from Debauchery Per Se and http://www.thisisby.us/index.php/content/guidelines_for_platonic_friendship. Thanks to whomever sent over the proper link. Enjoy.

If you aren’t sure that your situation warrants these guidelines then determine if three factors apply (quite possibly the worst situation EVER for a guy):

• you’re smitten with her
• she thinks you are a nice guy
• she refuses to have sex with you

1. No hugging for greetings or salutations. Hugging is only allowed for personal tragedies or blessed events when the emotional significance of the situation blocks out the knowledge that your boobies are pressing against me. We have hands; lets shake them.

2. No sleepovers. I think of all women who sleep in bed with me as potential sex partners. I spend all my free time trying to coax women in, so if you get in there, I can.t help but think you want some. If you or I need a place to crash sometime, then we should employ a couch. The breaking of this rule is punishable by instant sex.

3. No seat sharing. When girls sit on the arm of my chair or in my lap or next to me in a one-person seat, it makes me think that she wants some sexing. A possible exception is fitting an extra person in a car that is filled to capacity. I can't let my passion hurt the quest to maximize a designated driver, but be warned; it might not be the seat belt poking you.

4. No flirting. So if you laugh at a joke of mine, it better be a funny joke.

5. No judgment making on any girl that I see. Good or bad, it's the guy friends' job to belittle and pick apart girlfriends, if a woman does this, it means she wants the guy for herself. So you think she is trashy and dumb? Well, you could have dated me but you just wanted to be friends.

6. No judgment making on how I treat any girl I might date, be it for six months, or six hours. You have thrown your log onto the fire of chauvinism in my heart, so you are partially to blame if an innocent girl gets burned.

7. No sparing of my feelings. It's emasculating. Don't worry, you already broke my heart, go ahead and heap more crap on me. I'll turn all embarrassment and pain into bitterness and anger, and then occasionally let it all out in some meat headed act.

8. No setting me up on pity dates. If you truly know of a woman who would be very happy with me and I with her, then we will talk.

9. No being attracted to me. Impossible, I know, but you seem to have found a way, so stick with that. I'm going to be as attractive as possible in pursuit of other women, so if you are going to be seeing me in a bathing suit, you might want to make sure you are on the pill as the breaking of this rule is punishable by instant sex. In fact, don't even tell me I look good as that will torment me for days.

10. No confiding in me about boys. I am not your girl friend; I am your reluctant man friend who officially hates all men that you date now or in the future. Asking for hypothetical guy advice is okay; just don't slam me with details about particular guys you are sleeping with. If this rule seems contrary to rule 7, just remember that I'm a beautifully complex being.

11. No asking for man favors such as furniture moving, yard work, or car trouble help. I don't like to waste displays of extreme masculinity on women who have decided not to sleep with me. In a pinch you can bribe me to do man chores with beer. Please hand me the case as a gift versus doling them out one at a time from your fridge. That keeps it strictly business.

12. Try to avoid incidental contact. I can't outlaw this since there are times when the brush of a leg or a sleeve is purely accidental, but try to be careful. You can take steps to not put your arm in mine while walking or lay against me on a couch or other things like that. Those things would lead me to think you want me to sex you.

13. No asking for massages or neck rubs, that's a lot of foreplay to waste on someone who doesn't want the main event. Besides, shouldn't your boyfriend give you massages? Why aren't we dating again?

14. No dating any guy who treats you bad or neglects you in any way, that's just a slap in my face. I fucking adore you.

15. No judgments on any of my behavior. It would lead me to think you care a little too much about my well being. So I don't want to hear any, "Stop smoking", or "Don't drink so much," or "Don't use women." Of course if I am truly being an asshole in some situation, feel free to clue me in, that's what friends do.

16. You have to let me know immediately if you want to be more than friends. I'm only doing this to respect your wishes. If you ever want more, rest assured that I do too. At any moment we can tear these guidelines up and spend 24 hours doing every imaginable sexy act.

A fun weekend

This weekend one of the fellow interns had some friends in town, so I hung out with three married couples all weekend. Truthfully, it was lots more fun than I anticipated. I find the bickering that married couples do to be really, really funny because it's always about petty stuff, like girls shopping too much or guys buying "stupid electronics."

Thankfully, they liked to gamble, so last night we went out to the Ameristar casino. After an initial downturn on my luck, I rebounded to finish ahead 32.5% (upward revision from initial estimate of 20%).

After a sushi lunch at the trendiest sushi place in KC, Kona Grill (I wish I was being sarcastic, I really do), I rolled around the plaza looking at electronics and tight jeans. After visiting the sony store, I have concluded I'm going to buy a huge-ass 60-70" widescreen plasma with the signing bonus I receive next year. That, in addition to finishing two pitches, was by big accomplishment this weekend.

In other news, I found out my friend Kansas is trekking it to Dallas this weekend to see the family, so 2 crazy nights in Austin will just be 1. I suppose I should go easy on my liver on Friday night so Saturday I can keep up with her (yea right, as if I'm the one who has to worry about that haha). Regardless, Austin should be a pretty good time. Definitely can't wait. Hope the weather holds up.

The Model Wedding

I flew to Houston this weekend to attend my friend Lesley and his fiance Kate's wedding. In a nutshell, it was incredible. Everything was absolutely amazing, from the surprise gift bag I got upon checking in to the wedding hotel, to the service, to the sports-themed reception. Simply amazing. As it happened, the wedding was in Houston and I was out of town this summer, but the truth is that I would have come in from anywhere, like my friend Reza, who flew in from Dubai (!!), to attend this ceremony.

I'll fill in more background later, but the gist is that I felt really proud to be a part of their special day. It was a honor to be there, a ton of fun, and definitely a memory-maker. Congratulations Lesley & Kate!!!!

"Dude, I'll Do Security" -Kansas

I had the most ridiculous conversation with my friend's girlfriend tonight at a bar here in KC. So here's the background: my friend (fellow intern) has a long distance girlfriend who lives in Indianapolis. She flew into KC tonight for the weekend, so I went with another fellow intern and his wife to a bar to meet her. She asks what I do, and I tell her where I work. Then she asks where I'm from...the conversation goes something like this:

Colleen: Where are you from?
Me: Houston, but I live in Austin now because I go to school there
C: Cool! I've been to Texas before, it's a lot of fun
M: Awesome, which city did you visit?
C: Umm, I don't remember...
M: Maybe it's been a long time since you were there
C: No, it was like 3 years ago, but I can't seem to remember the name...
M: ...
C: Oh! Wait, what city did JFK get killed in?
M: you mean Dallas? (incidentally like the 8th largest city in the fucking country!!--I did't say this part)
C: Yes! That's it, I was in Dallas. It was incredible
M: Yea, Dallas is a pretty good time...

Now, maybe this isn't interesting to some of you, but I was floored. I don't know how you forget that you visited freaking Dallas. It's not like you trekked it down to some small Texas town. That's like me telling someone that I went to California in 2004, can't remember the name of the city, but then saying "oh yea, I can't remember the name of the city, but a long time ago Rodney King got beat up there...oh yea, Los Angeles."

I'm going to Houston in a few hours for my friend's wedding. Should be a pretty good time. I can't wait!

F*ck David Beckham

That's it.

Meltdown of the Year

95% of you will not think this video is funny. The other 5% will watch it over and over (at least 3 times). Shannon Sharpe is hilarious, and the NFL Today is the best NFL pregame show on the air right now. Enjoy! On another note, I just remembered that BOTH the national championship game of college football and the super bowl had the opening kickoff returned for a touchdown. Pretty cool, huh? Of course, there was an obvious holding penalty that should have been called on Ohio State that would have negated the touchdown. Oh well, they got their asses kicked anyway. I'm happy.

7.7.07

Since this day comes around once every 100 years, I figured I'd better prove I was alive by forever implanting my thoughts in the world wide web by writing a blog. Happy Saturday, bitches.

I wasn't around in 1907 and I probably won't be around in 2107 (although it's not completely outside the realm of possibility - I would be 125 going on 126). But I am around in 2007, so I have been able to enjoy this once-a-century day. Yep, its the supposedly-luckiest day of the year. 7-7-07. Triple 7s, the luckiest combination there is. It blows up the slot machine, gives you 21 in blackjack, and brings good luck to all.

So, in typical fashion, everyone is going to the casino today to put this theory to the test. It all started last night when I trekked it over to AmeriStar at midnight for a little late night gaming. I've never seen a non-Vegas casino so overrun with people. It was ridiculous. Fortunately, all the rent-gamblers were gravitating to the extreme low-limit tables, so I had relatively limited company at the medium ($15) tables. $15 a hand is hardly something to scoff at, but I find that higher limits act as a filter of sorts to dissuade people who don't know how to play from sitting next to you. I generally hate playing with other people, so this helps a bit. In a perfect world, I would have my own table at the casino, with my own private dealer. Yes, I'm kind of high maintenance like that. Actually I'm high maintenance in pretty much all aspects of my life, but I do a very good job of not showing it.

My friend Kansas (who lives in Texas, not to be confused with Jayhawk, although she is also older than I), has asked to be quoted in this blog. So, you readers from random places like Qatar, Saudi Arabia, and South Africa (yes, I track everyone who accesses this page, location and all) can know what some of my other friends are like. Anyway, Kansas made an astute observation about a friend having girl problems when she eloquently observed that, "[my friend] is pussy-whipped but hasn't gotten the pussy yet." Yes, BLove, $600 tix to a concert and no ass is something most of us will not stand for.

No update with Jayhawk. Still need to tag up some parts of my condo, and then find a church in the plaza and tag it there (save it, I already know I'm a terrible person). 7 weeks left to do it. Wish me luck.

For those of you who care, I got to see three fellow classmates in KC today! I'm meeting the other two in half an hour in the plaza. I can't wait! I've always found it funny that people can travel thousands of miles to a distant place and long for familiar faces. Such is my case, and I suspect is also the case for many others.

Finally, I offer three truths for everyone to remember:

• water will always be wet
• the sky will always be blue
• the Astros will never get a man home from 3rd with less than two outs

Stay up y'all.

Chris Does America

On this, the 231st anniversary of our nation's birth (translation: beat that British ass), I feel it necessary to comment on my most recent almost-purely-American experiences..

Nothing seems like a more appropriate way to celebrate America than a GODDAMNED TELEVISED EATING CONTEST. Yes, today the annual Coney Island hotdog eating contest is being televised (by ESPN). Why?!? Who the fuck is watching this (besides me b/c, let's face it, it's comewhat interesting)? And does anyone find it funny that a Japanese dude always wins this thing? America has the most gluttonous eaters on the planet. We should win this competition, particularly because Kobayashi is injured this year (arthritic jaw). Incidentally, someome just likened Kobayashi's comeback efforts today to Willis Reed's (!!) comeback during the '75 NBA finals. And how low on the media totem pole do you have to be to draw the hotdog eating contest assignment? So instead of spending the 4th with your family (or mistress - hey, I'm just being realistic), you end up having to interview people about cliche sports shit: passion for the "sport", mental toughness, competitive advantage - as it relates to eating a frank.

Second, to kick off my 4th, last night I went to a casino...the trashiest casino I've ever been..and I loved it..

I'll explain...

Ordinarily (i.e. at a casino where fewer than 60% of the patrons are gambling their rent money, wearing jorts or t-shirts and caps with references to NASCAR, or to the states of Missouri or Arkansas), free drinks are served, people clip their toenails, wear makeup, talk normally. Such was not the case at the Harrah's off I-210 last night.

Two things clued me in that this might not be the classiest casino. First, the presence of a bar at the entrance to the casino. Yes, you were encouraged to purchase your $3.00 beer before you sat at the table. Next, and this floored me - the casino was paging dealers and such over a very audible PA system. I've never heard a PA in a casino before, and it felt more like I was at Home Depot than anywhere. Truly filthy.

Of course, I went to this casino by myself. The roomate isn't much of a gambler and the other two interns were doing stuff with their wives. As is also the case, I get hit on by nasty ass bitches. In this case, a woman in her mid 40s. A smoker (no, she really smoked cigarettes, it was disgusting), dirty bleach blonde hair, and kinda chubby. She didn't really know how to play blackjack, so I helped her out, not because I'm nice, but because I didn't want her play to fuck up my cards. As is also the case when I give blackjack advice, she starts winning. I continue winning. Then she gets friendly and congratulates me by nudging me on my arm after I win a hand. Didn't mind it at first because I think it's collegial. I keep winning (she does too) and she starts calling me "Lucky Guy" and, instead of the little arm nudges, she elects to begin softly squeezing me on my arm after a victorious hand. This was a little weird. Of course, since I'm a guy, I had a devil/angel moment. The devil said, "Chris, it's yours if you want it." (It had come up in coversation that she had a "very nice" room at the casino). The angel said, "Chris, this bitch is nasty. What the fuck are you thinking? You have a good thing going with Jayhawk. Chill out, brother."

So, as the story ends, I let it go, played it off, had a good time, then came home. I am currently watching baseball (very American of course) and reading the college football preview magazines I bought yesterday. Later, I will eat barbeque and watch some fireworks later tonight. Then it's back to work!

The Start of Summer

It has been a while since I've posted to the blog. Since my past post (May 7), I have:

• finished the school year
• hung out at Hula Hut and in downtown Austin a lot
• studied for and taken Level 1 of the CFA exam
• followed the Spurs' run to what will eventually be another championship
• prepared a little more for my internship
• moved to Kansas City for the summer (the most uneventful 10-hour drive ever)

I went ahead and moved to KC this past Tuesday thinking it would take me a few days to get my bearings and buy all the necessary stuff I need that I forgot in Austin. Doing this, plus getting my car washed and waxed (only to have it rain a day later) took all of 4 hours. So the past two days I have been sitting at home, building little excel models and debating academic finance with various friends to pass the time. I've also spent a good bit of time reading the personals on craiglist.org. They're quite funny. I love the "casual encounters" section. People will go to just about any length to hook up these days.

I'm looking forward more than normal to going out tonight. I really want to see what the KC social scene is like. I mentioned to a friend of mine that, to this point, I haven't seen a hot chick here yet. Thankfully that changed last night when I was at a sports bar watching the Spurs game.

Before I forget, I also found out (from my roomate, also an intern at my company) that my company has a gym on site that can be used free of charge. This is great news to me.

I'm not sure what to do after basketball season is over. We obviously don't get Astros games here. In fact, we get Royals and Cardinals games. I hate the Cards, and the Royals simply aren't very good, so I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place as far as summer sports are concerned. And there's no way I am getting into KC's MLS team.

I start my internship on Monday. I'm looking forward to getting paid better than my banker friends, getting off at 5:30, having my weekends free, and not having to cancel dinner plans (I can hear the collective "Fuck you, Chris" retort from my banker friends already). This means I can hopefully visit some of you guys over the summer, and I'll have time to entertain guests who decide to come to KC (that's a plug, I'd like as many people as possible to visit me this summer - free place to stay, I have my car, etc).

Ok, that's it. I'm gonna take a nap. I'll keep everyone up to date on what happens during my summer.

My Style: The Story of Chris's Wristwear

There was a time when I was extremely shy, never talked to anyone, found it extremely making friends, or even meeting people randomly. There are still traces of these traits that remain with me, and I suspect they will for the rest of my life. So when I was in high school I noticed that whenever I met people, I noticed small things about them. The color of their belt, any cool-looking shoelaces, a pattern on someone's tie, a girl's earrings, etc. This got me thinking, what could I do to make myself stand out?

My quest for the answer took years...

For some reason I've always like wearing rubber bands, like my once-favorite NBA player, Mario Elie, used to do. I started wearing them literally because he did, so when people asked me why I wore them, thats the story I told them. Every once in a while I would vary the colors so there'd be some variety, but that was about it. On my right hand (I'm left-handed) I normally wore a watch, but, after reading Dennis Rodman's "Bad as I Wanna Be," and learning that he never wore one, I also stopped. Don't ask why I thought Dennis Rodman was the man. Look, I was young and impressionable...

...anyway, just about all of you are well aware that I wear wristbands. So here's why...

In the fall of 2002, during my senior year at Texas, I played in a video game tournament one Friday afternoon after class. The tournament was sponsored by EA Sports, who, as you might imagine, showed up with a shitload of giveaways, some of which were wristbands. I picked up a ton of different gifts. On my way home that afternoon I tripped on one of the disgusting West Campus sidewalks and landed awkwardly on my wrist. It hurt - bad. But it was just a sprain, not a fracture...

...that night, as I got ready to go to my friend P's party, my wrist was killing me. So I popped a couple pills and put the wristband on to help stabilize it. The effect was better than I ever imagined...

..as I mentioned earlier, I've always been kinda shy, so it wasn't like I was agressively hitting on girls at this party. But, similar to my thoughts in high school, the wristband gave people an icebreaker for me. The effect was incredible. I'd had some good nights in college, but mostly due to my own work. Never had I had so many chicks (hot ones, too) come up to me to start conversations. I was floored. The wristband broke the ice and then Chris ran the table. That night was one of the best in my college days, and in no small part was it because of that wristband. Remember, I'm kinda feeling like shit - my wrist is badly sprained and I'm not in the greatest of moods, but trusty wristbands saved the day (well, night)....

...so that's why I wear it: to give people something to hang on to, to start conversations. At this point I've started coming up with ridiculous replies to the question, "Why are you wearing a wristband" because it's fun. Of course, sometimes I actually need a wristband when I start sweating at a dance club (see: Spill last night), but mostly its just so chicks notice and approach me instead of the other way around. I'll admit, I have a small ego and don't like rejection, so I don't approach every chick I want to...

...in case you were wondering, I got crushed on my advanced corporate finance test last night (I don't even wanna see the grade), but I'm finished with school. The first year is too fast...

...on the other hand, I am completely free for the next 3 weeks before I move to Kansas City, so if you want to do something, my schedule is mostly clear. I'll be studying for my CFA exam, but can make time for y'all...

Sexy Killer

As I sit here watching the Warriors get their ass beat by the Mavs and sipping on the nastiest white wine I've ever had (do not EVER buy Yellow Tail Chardonnay 2005 vintage - it's fucking awful), I reflect on a rather strange day. Pretty much all day I doubted the whole "April showers bring May flowers" principle I learned as a kid because the weather was so bad (what is it with this horrible weather we're having? This is a serious buzzkill.). I mean, it's the first of May and it looks like NYC outside - gray skies with a nagging drizzle.

Anyway, after the typical boring ACF class, I did some reading and rolled into my weightlifting class. This is the last week of school and there's exactly one hot chick in there and, yep you guessed it, I waited until today to finally talk to her. But that's neither here nor there. So I roll out of class a little early to get my much anticipated fitness test. What I am about to tell you may shock you, but it looks like my efforts these past few months have paid off..

people, I am 7.88% body fat.

That's right, I am once again a prime physical specimen. No you can't touch me tomorrow when you see all 144lbs of my lean, mean, sexy ass rolling around campus. Except if you're hot.

I'll admit I was a little surprised. I knew I was losing fat and gaining muscle mass, but I figured I would be around 9% or 10%. This is great news. My fast food hiatus combined with fierce determination to get back in shape and the assumption of a healthy diet are paying dividends. Now I just wish I were 6 inches taller so I could play football (as a safety or other DB, wiseass).

So that was the good news of the day. Now for the better news (save the comments, I already know I am going to hell for this one)...

...many of you know how much I hate housecats (I like tigers, ocelots, jaguars, lions). As it was, I was driving home from school when this stupid-ass feline decided to park itself in the middle of the road I was barreling down. The two cars ahead of me gently swerved to avoid hitting it. I thought the bastard would get the hint and get out of the way. Unfortunately, rationality was not with this idiot. As I approached him from 50 feet away I had serveral brief flashbacks of my roadkill history. I remembered March 2000 driving back from the Salt Lick when my friend P took out a cat sprinting across the road, I remembered May 2005 driving to Kansas when this dumb-ass coyote decided he was up for the challenge. Bits of his spine are still in my car grill...

...I returned to reality just in time to hear cat bones crunching under my right front tire. It felt like a little speed bump. My right back tire, probably a bit jealous, managed to get a piece of the action. Let's call it the cleanup hitter...

I drove a little faster than normal the rest of the way. For one, I don't know if anyone saw me. This cat died a quick, painless (well, probably not painless) death. And, since it refused to move out of the way for the two cars ahead of me, it was probably retarded. So in that sense, I put a retarded housecat out of its misery and did my part to help control the pet population (shouts out to Bob Barker). See, I'm a good samaritan.

The rest of Tuesday was normal. I have a shitload of work to get done for finals. I can't believe I'm just about done with my first year (I'm drafting a blog about this and will publish soon).

Stay up y'all.

Lyrics I am feeling at the moment:

Everytime your name was brought up
I would act all nonchalant infront of an audience
Like if you was just another shorty I put the naughty on
But uh, truth be told you do me for a loop, this Hov
I'm too old to be frontin when I'm feeling Denzel
And you acting like you ain't appealing but you are
Stuting like you ain't my only girl but you are (I was just frontin)
I'm ready to stop when you are
--from "Frontin'" by Pharrell featuring Jay-Z

Memories

I was at each of these games. Oh, the memories.

Control

I didn't think it could get worse. But now she's starting to believe in her cause. Guys, run for cover.



Lessons for men and women, courtesy of Ms. Tylor (these are direct quotes):

• If the man ain't comin', he gonna be goin' somewhere else, puttin' his penis in someone else
• A lot of women will laugh and talk about a man if his penis is small
• Just because a man is in love with your vagina doesn't mean he's in love with you
• A lot of us get caught up on the dick
• Dick will make you slap somebody
• The penis is a heat-seeking missile, like a rocket. Information is encoded in it making it do what it do
• Men launch their penis up in the vaginal canal. As a woman relaxes and breathes and sits on that penis and rock and move and rotate and find her rhythm and go up and down and back and forth and around in a circle, she starts getting her groove back
• When the parts of penis hit them vagina walls, harmonizing and making them sing, a woman feels like she's in church jumping and shouting
• Dick'll make you lose control

I don't know why I think this is so funny. I'll write about different shit later.

Farm Animals

Don't ask me why I just did this, but I went and looked up a "Jackrabbit." I didn't know what it was. and I must say that it doesn't look like a sexy object at all. So if you're also curious, go here. I met a 45 year old in Vegas this weekend who owns a lingerie store in New Orleans. Told her I would swing by if I decide to go to Jazz Fest next weekend.

Enjoy.

And What, That Plate, What, $2.99?

This is the craziest thing I have ever seen. I'll have to admit that she makes a good point, it's just overly graphic. Hilarious.

Chris Goes to Bar, Meets Accountant, Rediscovers Love of Hot Sauce

Shannon Elizabeth just mugged down with David Allen Grier on live national TV. What a lucky guy...

Anyway, Tuesday nights in Austin are pretty nice because it's $1 beer night at a few hot spots. Last night a few of us rolled up to Cain & Abel's for some general socializing, beer drinking, and being thankful that our 8am Strategy class was cancelled. In short, it was a great time. I got a chance to meet Ryan's chick and Cialis' chick, who, along with her friend, we discovered to be 4th year PPA students that tried to convince us that "PPA kids are the wildest around." Yea right. Us MBAs know how to rock it harder than you imagine.

I got more drunk than I planned to. Since I didn't really eat anything all day, it only took a couple of Budweisers (not Bud Light) to get me going. As a result, I peaced out around 1am despite the fact that Cody's chick's friend was obviously feeling me.

So on my way home I decided to stop into Jack in the Box for the first time in literally 5 months. I got some greasy $0.99 tacos and a spicy chicken sandwich. When I got home I quickly ran out of the packaged hot sauce they give you. Since I was desperate for more, I went through my cupboard looking for more. Thankfully, I had bought a bottle last week at the store, so I drowned my remaining taco and sandwich in Louisiana brand hot sauce. Delicious. It was so good I think I may have had a dream about it. Too bad I don't have a foot fetish, or I'd do a commercial for these guys.

At this point I thought about proclaiming my love of hot sauce on this blog for all the world to see. But it's not necessary. Most of you who read this know me and know I hail (originally) from New Orleans, so it comes as no surprise that I love seafood and all things spicy. My parents have this picture of me holding a 3-lb live lobster when I was 2 years old. I guess I started on day 1.

On a couple of other topics, I am going to VEGAS in 39 hours. Can't wait. Perhaps more importantly, Laura has agreed to take down the "Fuck Off" sign she had aimed at me and let me be her friend again. Which is very good news b/c I thought there was a 1% chance of that happening. My friend Jess says, "Chris, don't fuck that up again." Trust me Jess, I won't.

I Can't Believe You Said That

I found myself in a funny, yet potentially volatile situation a couple of days ago that I wanted to mention...

...As fate would have it, I wound up having dinner with two different people on two consecutive evenings at the same restaurant, let's call them person A and person B. So I had made plans with person A to go to this particular establishment about a week before I actually went. I made plans with person B about 3 hours before I went. Person B suggested this place, and was really passionate about it, so I couldn't really say no. So I went. It was delicious. The next day comes around and it's time to eat with person A. I'm really thinking nothing of it. I've done this before, not by choice but by chance. So I'm thinking it's no biggie...

...I roll inside this joint and I'm greeted by the same hostess from the night before who, instead of saying something like, "Good evening, welcome to [insert restaurant name]," she says, "hey! you were here last night, weren't you"...

Are you fucking kidding me? You seriously just asked me, in front of a different girl, in front of like 6 other people waiting for tables, if I was there last night, presumably with someone else? I almost lost it. But given the situation, I stayed cool and played it off like the cool cat that I am. Thankfully person A was cool about it too. Thankfully. She thought it was kind of funny.

I've never worked in the restaurant business, but I've got to assume that when they train you, they teach you not to call people out like that. This chick evidently had no idea of the potential consequences of words like that. You can fuck up an entire evening (in the best case scenario) or an entire relationship/family/small country (worst case scenario).

So the obvious implication here is that of a cheating scenario. Thankfully, that wasn't my situation. I've told some of you how it's a small fantasy of mine to find myself eating a restaurant when the "Cheaters" TV show van screeches to a halt in front of the restaurant, barges in with their camera crew, and causes a scene [yes, I am a sick bastard].

I'm currently sitting in my advanced corporate finance class, bored as hell, obviously not paying attention. Ryan, to my left, paying attention like a good MBA student, secretly wishes he weren't here. He's probably thinking about getting drunk at Cain & Abel's tonight. Or he might be thinking about a particularly pleasurable sexual experience from 5 years ago. Who knows.

The Weather Man

Yep, Wayne makes it rain.

Sin City, Part 7

Yea, you guessed it, I'm headed to Vegas this Friday....and I can't wait.

So, it's been a while since I've been out there as a student. Normally I went out and balled out of control as a working professional, but this time its back to pure, raw, derrty fun. Someone asked me where I was staying this time, and I told them "the Palace." He asks, "Caesar's Palace?" I shyly look down at the floor and say, "naw man...Imperial Palace." But it's all good. My plan, as usual, is to gamble 14 hours a day, eat a little, drink, and go grizzly (that was for you Benton). It's been a while since I've been out here, click here for pictures of that last trip from August 2005.

My mom asked me to bring her back 10 black chips (a black chip is worth $100). While I can't promise that, I told her I'd get her something. Anything, if any of you cats want something, let me know. Nothing big (shot glass, etc), but just let me know...

..on another note, weather permitting, I am going back to Lake Travis on April 28th (Saturday). Y'all know the number if you're down for a little more jet skiing.

Stay up y'all.

Realization

When I was a kid, I read just about the entire Berenstain Bears collection of books that my parents bought for me. Though they were typical children's books, each one conveyed an important life lesson through its stories. One particular book was subtitled "It's Never Too Late To Correct A Mistake." And throughout some recent events of my own creation, I am reminded of this important maxim.

Many of you have never met my friend Laura. Laura lives here in Austin, and I met her shortly after the beginning of school this past fall. I knew I liked her instantly, but never really got to know her very well because I had just started school and was also trying to meet new friends at school. On occasion, we would hang out, but not very often. At the time, she was dating someone and so I never saw her much.

Recently (within the past 2 months or so) we've started to hang out more, on a much more regular basis, and I've enjoyed it. But, like I knew at the beginning, I knew I liked her, not just as mere casual friends but I knew I wanted to pursue something deeper if it was there. In restrospect I wish I didn't feel that way but you can't really help how you feel. Sometimes I wish I didn't like the color blue so much, but I can't just change. Anyway, I made it pretty clear that I was interested. This was maybe 6 weeks ago. So last night we go to dinner and its going very well when we start to get back on the subject of dating. I knew what she was going to say (just got out of a relationship, not ready for another, want to be single for a while, blah blah blah) so I wasn't surprised to hear it. What did surprise me was my internal reaction to it all...

...So later on we're at a bar with some of her friends and all I'm thinking is I'm not really comfortable with this situation. So I leave. Later on, somehow, I decide that I can't really just be regular friends with a girl I actually like (which still makes a bit of sense to me). So I tell her. She flips out, we argue (over text messages nonetheless) for 4 hours...

...I start to think about what I just said and I realize that I had a moment like Albert Brenneman in the movie Hitch (where he impulsively quits his job during a meeting with Allegra Cole). I overreacted and didn't fully think about the consequences of my actions. I fucked this up badly, and I am trying to undo it. Ultimately, I have realized that you can't cut people out of your life because they don't perfectly fit what you're going after. Laura is a great girl, and I wish I knew a thousand more like her because I (and everyone else) need those type of people. So yes, I am doing the unthinkable of writing her a letter (handwritten, not e-mail), sending flowers, and doing what I can to make this right. Quite simply, she's too good of a friend and way too important to me to say "that's a wrap" on the friendship, and I'm not going to give this up.

This is not an open apology to her, she doesn't even know I have a blog. I just felt like I had to wite this. Today is not a good day. Major sadness.

Boredom (5 hours later)

So you're dying to know how the rest of my evening went. Well, it was pretty much just as I expected. I did some work, watched the first episode of Chapelle's Show, and talked to HMBR for a bit. Then I had 4th meal (yea, I ran for the border).

Wow, two worthless posts in one day. It can't get much worse than that...

Boredom

Fair warning: you're probably better off not reading this. I will save you 5 minutes of your life.

I had a ton of stuff due this week. And somehow I got 85% of it (granted, it was a huge stock pitch) done. So when I got home today I found myself with just about nothing urgent to do. So what do I do when I have nothing to do? Yep, you guessed it, get on AIM. So I start talking on AIM with some people, but then that fizzles out after 28 minutes. Aside: I find it extremely difficult to have even remotely serious conversations over IM. You can't tell sarcasm, you can't hear voice tone, its really difficult.

Anyway, so then I turn on my TV and find (as is normally the case) that it's tuned to ESPN. Evidently the women's basketball championship is tonight, and no I will not be watching. So I flip through my basic cable (which sucks) to find nothing of interest. Then I think about writing in my blog, but initially reject the idea. So I heat up some food, then come back to my computer and rethink the blog thing. So I write and continue to write and I still haven't figured out what to do next. I thought about chilling at a friend's place but they were busy. I'm thinking about actually watching a movie (yes, by myself) but we'll see where that goes. I know you're all anxiously awaiting the details of the rest of my evening. Haha...


...see, I told you it was a waste of 5 minutes. But, since you're here, you might as well poke around my blog as bit. I happen to think you'll like a lot of what's here.

Yes, I Can Float

I am never leaving Austin.

I spent a good portion of the morning and afternoon today, on a particularly beautiful day in the always-lovely Austin, jet skiing (ok, we were on waverunners, whatever) on Lake Travis. Four of us, including myself, two business school friends and one of their brothers made the drive up RR 620 to the lake to reignite our love of all things watersporty. It was fantastic. I wish we could have taken pictures.

I can't imagine doing this at any other school besides Texas (except maybe if I were a Pepperdine MBA). No other city I've lived in offers these types of attractions at a reasonable price, simply amazing. This weekend's Preview Weekend needs to include a day cruise on the lake in what could be a deal-closer for those prespective students looking to be sold on UT and on Austin.

Anyway, I'm planning on doing this again pretty soon (think: within the next 2 to 3 weekends). It's pretty cheap ($65 per hour) and there is always a ton of fun to be had.

Ok, that's it.

My New Kicks

The Puma Future Cat Low's

The Weekend

I haven't written anything of great importance on here in a while....and I'm not changing that here. As I sit here sipping nasty red wine (I'm gonna get my $6 worth, dammit) and jamming out to the newly-discovered Chillout Album (by the way this compilation is fucking incredible), I have decided to reflect on the weekend that was.

The big event I looked forward to last week was the Black & White party. This thing was so big that I went and bought clothes for it (Chris hardly ever buys himself new clothes - more on this later). This party (at Cuba Libre) was as great as advertised. Good drinks, good music, good company. Yea, we got trashed (Jaegermeister, you're my only friend) and went to Spill and other places for a bit before eventually turning it in). So that was Friday.

I woke up Saturday with the type of hangover that makes me want to stop drinking for life. So I decided right then that I was not going out Saturday night. Fortunately, I had gotten Subway for dinner on Friday and had 6 inches of meatball sub goodness to help fight the headache. Then I went to the mall and, for the second time in a week, bought aparrel for myself (unprecedented, I know). In a move that I will openly admit was a complete copy from my friend Beau, I got a pair of bright white Puma kicks. I will only be sport these on select nights.

Saturday night was pretty much exactly as planned. I didn't go out. Just drank some wine and chilled.

Today, for the most part, has been a typical Sunday. I got up at noon, did some homework, and watched tv. Florida and Georgetown advanced to the Final Four to join Ohio State and UCLA in the fight for the national championship of college basketball.

Ok, I have to do a negotiations assignment for tomorrow.

Stay up y'all.

Driving Away The Snakes

St. Patrick's Day was simply awesome. I'll write more later, but I think I should start wearing outrageous shirts like these more often...

Caribbean Summer

I am thinking of taking a trip to St. Thomas or St. Lucia either in June or August 25th through 28th (school starts on the 29th). Think about this and let me know if it something you may be interested in.

That's it for now.

John Legend (and a little DeAngelo) Gets You Laid

I'm blabbering away as I wait for DM to call me, so I want to mention a few things:

1. I got an intership offer with a Houston-based investment management firm. But I declined it. So, I will be at a Kansas City-based investment management firm. Hey, it's only the summer, not permament. And no, I am not crazy. Ultimately, the KC-based firm would allow me to intern on 3 different funds, whereas I would work on just one at the Houston-based firm. I'm not sold on living in KC (actually I don't think I'll like it much), but I feel the opportunity there provides more professional development potential than my other option.

2. If you're a guy and you bring a girl home, throw on some John Legend (or DeAngelo - How Does It Feel when you get back to your (optimally, her) place. You're gonna score. Do not question this. I'm batting 1.000 with this mix. :-)

3. I predict Florida will repeat as champions of the collegiate basketball world. I predict they will defeat Texas A&M 73-67 on April 2nd in Atlanta.

4. I hope all of you are enjoying your spring break.

The Old Guy

Yea, I never thought it would come to this. I am officially the old guy. And I realized this tonight during a meeting with some extremely smart and talented undergrads.

So, most of you know I'm on the Investment Fund. Well, there's an undergrad version of this deal called FAP. We mentor the FAPs. So tonight we met a few of them. I'm impressed. They're all very cool, easy to get along with, and fun to be around. I was drinking beer because Chris drinks beer. But some of them couldn't, and then it hit me - I'm the old MBA student, the person who, when I was an undergrad, I thought was older and way lame.

Somehow, I'm comfortable with this. I also realized how out of the social scene I am. I can't remember the last time I stayed out all night (till the sun started rising) partying. A couple people were doing a city-wide IHOP tour (literally going to 9 of the 10 Austin-area IHOP restaurants in what will probably end up in an overcrowded hot tub party at 5am - the only way I know how to do it), and I kick myself for not thinking about something like that when I was underage.

Anyhow, I'm definitely looking forward to working with them. I'm privileged to have this opportunity.

However, I'm not so old that I don't have the facebook. So maybe I can be cool. Hah.

Internship update: I have an offer from an investment management firm based in Kansas City. My final round with an investment management firm based in Houston is on Friday. This is going to be a tough decision to make if I get this second offer (my third offer is a corporate finance position with a Las Vegas-based gaming company).

Health Pellets, 2007 edition

If this post had a newspaper headline, it would read something like "Spill stock plunges as Chris takes break from alcohol, dirty drunks."

A couple of years ago I had the revelation that it made sense to stop drinking for a period of time each year. Not only would I save a ton of money, but also I would wake up with substantially fewer hangovers, improve my decision making as it relates to potential encounters with females, and enable me to focus on getting in shape.

2007 will be the third campaign of this sort, and it started yesterday. As was the case in the previous two years, people have already started to question the motivation, if I'm crazy, etc. So it began last night when, for the most recent Think-n-Drink (TnD), I started the campaign with 7 Club sodas with lime, and quickly realized that it's going to be a long month.

But, it's not without cause, and I'll probably end up drinking on special occasions (like tonight for Mara's bday). I'm going to Vegas in 6 weeks, and I am really making the push to get into top shape for that trip. That is a side reason for my choosing to underweight booze in March.

Of course, this will be hard, and some have asked why I didn't do this in February (the shortest month). It's just that every once in a while, I like to reaffirm my ability to meet strict personal goals. A lot of people couldn't do it. I can. Ok, thats it.

I'm in town for the next two weeks and will be bored out of my mind, so I'm looking to go out as much as possible.

Vegas trip with my b-school buddies: 49 days away.

Not Your Daily Vitamin - Continued

In case you all forgot...

That's right. I want some grape drink, baby.

The Girls of 314 - Part 4

Ah, yes, the sights and sounds of Columbus, Ohio. Snow falling, dirty slush frustrating drivers and pedestrians alike. Heavy trucks spraying salt all over the roads. A beautiful winter storm makes its presence known on the Buckeye campus.

In what is becoming at least a once-a-year event, I trekked (well, I flew actually) up to C-bus to visit my wonderful cousin DDP and her roomates. As is normally the case, I had a ton of fun, despite the weather being 15 degrees all weekend and there being a foot of snow on the ground. Since I don't have classes on Friday, I went up Thursday night.

I didn't know how hard these girls party on Thursday.

Since last week celebrated DDP's 20th year of service on Earth, there was still cause to celebrate. Given this, we decided to spend the evening pre-partying at 314, partying at this bar/club called Sugar, and, of course, post-partying at 314. (Sidenote: Sugar is a great place. Envision an upscale version of Spill on 6th street - almost like Pure on 6th.) You can dance at Sugar, which is great b/c, and all of you know this, I love to dance. So I had to get on the floor for a bit. DDP wouldn't do it (c'mon, this skill runs in the family). Thankfully, KP was a willing participant in the dance floor experience. And this place had some good drink specials. I got hammered. Apparently I spoke with the San Francisco accountant for a while that night, but I can't remember it.

Friday night was equally entertaining, with ACJersey's father buying the bar at Mad Max's. And, for the record, I absolutely was not hitting on your stepmom. I guess my style is so smooth it only "looked" like I was. Haha. On this night, Chicago Mike was also out. Pretty cool cat all around. Again, got hammered at Mad Max's. I love going back to college :-)

Saturday was a little more chill. After watching Jackass Part Two (love the "How to Milk a Horse" scene haha), DDP and I decided to chill in and hang out. And then, of course, I flew home yesterday.

All-in-all, a great weekend. I got to hang out with DDP, meet ACJersey's parents (and sister), and do some good partying. I'm definitely going back in May when it's warm(er).


Thanks girls!!!
But, Austin is still better :-)

Undoubted Overreaction

I know I'm overracting to this, but in the spirit of the new year and the hope for a better tomorrow, I get really annoyed when I watch those overly cheesy eHarmony commercials and see 15 couples that are the same race.

I am well aware that we all have our preferences (physical, professional, religious, etc), but I find it extremely hard to believe that, after evaluating and weighing the heralded "29 dimensions of compatibility" that you won't find 1 happy and successful couple that just happens to be interracial. Seriously, this annoys the shit out of me. And it really tells me that as a society we still aren't ready to see that on TV. I'm SO glad Taye Diggs dates a white woman on Day Break (to date the only such situation I've seen on TV). I can't wait for the day where it's not an issue and that people don't react to seeing this type of stuff or have no problem putting it in the public forum.

Ok, that's it. I'd imagine most of you disagree vehemently to this. Actually, most of you probably don't even think about it. Till next time, peace.

Damn This Windshield Is Clean!

It seems so nonchalant, just three little words: Low Washer Fluid. But what it represents goes much further than a spot-free shine.

Let's face it, everyone abuses rental cars. Whether you rent a manual and perform clutch-free shifting, take speed bumps at full speed, purposefully wear down the brake pads, or put sugar in the gas tank, rental cars are constantly made the subjects of pent-up agression and anger. But beginning in 2007, Ron Jones elected to make his own mark on those poor cars. Yep, he started shining glass. By that, I mean he started draining ALL the wiper fluid out of the reservoir. Now you understand the picture. This becomes his trademark move. EVERY car he ever rents for the next 60 to 70 years will have its wiper fluid drained. No driver on the road will see more free and clear than Ron, and we all will be safer because of it. It is because of this thinking that I will always find humor in these situations.

So when Ron went to the desert last week for business and sent me a text informing me that he had buffed the windsheld to a shine, I didn't believe him. But then came the evidence. Truly hilarious.

In other news, I found out I got a second round interview with AIM Investments and Goldman Sachs. Today I interviewed with American Century Investments, so hopefully I'll continue in the process with them as well. Everyone, pull for me.

Tomorrow night at 8pm: Doc's for the Duke - UNC game. Join us!

Still working on next Wednesday's Valentine's Day festivities. If you've got ideas, I'm all ears. I'm thinking dinner and drinks on 6th street might do the trick. FilthFest add-on is still in the works. However, someone better buy me some damn chocolates. :-)

Super Sunday

So today's the big day. The Super Bowl. Millions of American males (and some females) will officially go into football withdrawal at the sound of the final gun tonight, a withdrawal that lasts throughout the spring, summer, and into the beginning of September. Truly a bittersweet moment.

The Bears should win this game. It's raining - hard. The Bears have a better ground game. Somehow, although I'm not as big a fan as most people, I feel somethig is a little wrong with having Grossman win a championship before Peyton. Just seems weird. But, then again, Peyton never beat Florida when he was at Tennessee...and Rex Grossman went to ...yep, you guessed it, Florida.

Big party at KBs today. T minus 5 hours.

Saturday Night In Austin, Texas - Part Deux

Part 1 of this same-titled post included commentary about strongarming one's way to ass for the evening. Hell, it's efficient, though not my choice of "sealing the deal." I suppose I could make some reference to this very subject tonight, but I'll stay away.

So, its Saturday night. The hoes are working the corner, pimps are sitting pretty, bars are stocked, cabs are alert, the pedi-cabs are anxiously waiting, best wurst is cooking, and I am optimistic.

After a wonderful sushi dinner at Silhouette, the crew for this evening (me, James, Tar Heel 1, Tar Heel 2, Tar Heel 3, Erin, and Gator) made our way to 5th street to the Lucky Lounge. That's a total misnomer. I've never gotten "lucky" there. Total crock. Tar Heel 1 and Erin bounced after a while, so the rest of us joined Strongarm Simpson, KW, Big Bad Harla, and KW's friends (more on this later) at the Chuggin Monkey and Spill to finish off the evening.

There's not a lot of commentary on this evening. It was actually pretty fun. Way better than last night. Maybe it was because I went to Spill. Maybe it was because I didn't go to Logan's. Maybe the mood was different. I dunno. Anyway, observations from the evening include:

1. Somehow stumbled onto Gator's extreme situation. Totally sucks; my friend Kingwood Girl went thru the exact same shit this summer, except it also involved a domestic situation and the Houston Police Dept. Awful. So I gained clarity. Gator gets 1 (mayyyybe 2) more calls (see yesterday's post for theoretical insight).

2. Actually believed KW when she said her friend (who clearly dug me at Spill) was not prime hook-up material. I'm sure I'll be glad I listened to her. On this evening, I'll just constantly reevaulate whether I should have listened or not. Yea, Chris isn't cool with chicks who do the whole city. The Next Generation is too important to risk it. (If you don't know about the Next Generation, just ask me.)

3. Generally, a good night in Austin, although I am sad that Tar Heel 2 had to leave early. It was hard to cope with that (double pun, bitches).

4. Super Bowl is tomorrow. Go Bears. KB had the great idea of getting a Mike Ditka sweatshirt for the game tomorrow. Problem is, so did everyone else. He couldn't even find one on eBay. That's got to mean they're out.

I'm gonna get in a TON of trouble in 2007 for this blog. That's ok.

Valentine's day showdown and FilthFest: 2.14.07

Going Out

Disclaimer: Wendy, John, James, Eric, Kate, Rob, Mike, Mara, Amber, Amber's hot Gator friend who won't call me back: I love you all.

Friday night in America is typically a time for 18 to 40 year olds to go out for a night on the town, see friends, meet new ones, and soak up the social scene. We call this "going out," as in, "Hey, are you going out tonight?" "Yea man, I'm going out downtown with so and so." So it is not uncommon for me to "go out" with any number of friends I have. Sometimes, however, it seems routine and largely pointless. This evening was a perfect example.

In what started as a promising evening (see The Friend Zone - August 2005) at the delicious Musashino Sushi Dakoro restaurant quickly deteriorated into an average "couple of beers, standing around and bullshitting" evening. I was really kind of disappointed. My friend Mike's band had a set at Light, which was cool, but painfully ordinary. After an hour or so, I chugged my way over to Canvas to meet Wendy, John, James, Amber, Amber's DC friend Lauren (???), and Amber's hot Gator friend who won't call me back (more on this later). Again, very ordinary. After performing the ceremonial cross 'em with Amber ritual, it was just ordinary drinks and bullshitting. Not my cup of tea on this night.

So I thought changing scenery might do the trick. So at the behest of Wendy, I roll over to Logan's with them. The rest of the crew shows up 5 minutes later. Ok, this is where I vent a little. The ONLY reason I go to Logan's is because I have friends who go there. Seriously, I hate that fucking place. There's nothing inherently wrong with it, but there's nothing right with it either. I'm gonna have to stop going there, which is really hard because I genuinely like the people I go there with. This is a source of internal conflict for me.

Anyway, after a few minutes (1 drink, to be exact), I had to get the hell out of there. So I bailed. As with the first bar, I just kind of bullshitted. This leads me to my only somewhat relevant discussion point of this post. Yea, I've wasted your time, and, more importantly, mine. Anyway, I didn't really talk to Gator (so called because she attended the University of Florida), not because I was mean, but because when I met Gator 3 weeks ago, I hit her up to hang out and got no response, not even a negative one. So this is my question. Guys: how do you handle setting up times to hang out with chicks you've just met who you think are pretty cool? My view is this: if I meet a girl I want to hang out with beyond some initial drunken night on 6th, I call once, leave a v-mail, then either call or text. That's it. 1 call and 1 text, or 2 calls. Maybe, if she is luckly, she'll get 2 calls and 2 texts. But that's it. Gator got 1 call and 1 text. No response. I'm done. As much as it hurts (because she is fine), I gotta stick to principles. Anyway, I wanna hear your view on this.

So I say all of this to say that I want to start doing different things on the weekend. I'm up for going bowling, skating, or even a night at the movies. I just get really tired of doing the same, routine, shit each weekend. I love you guys, or as James says, "Olive Oil", it's just that sometimes, it gets kinda stupid. It's like social masturbation: you do it over and over and it never gets you anywhere. Maybe I'll start going to church to meet chicks. Who knows.

Finally, we need to plan something for Valentine's day. Having spoken to many of you, this could be a dirrrrrty night, which means I'm excited. Single folks only, of course.

Stay up y'all.

Spring 2007

So the new semester is upon us. With it brings the usual mad scramble to buy textbooks (or, in my case, to not buy them until I absolutely need to), plan workouts in the gym, check out all the new chicks you're gonna hit on during the semester, and secretly mock the overzealous "gunners" in your classes. I have a developing theory that "gunning" is the manifestation of an intellectual insecurity probably caused by a lack of attention from mommy and daddy and perpetuated by some bitch elementary school teacher. Or at least this is how I justify my relative lack of over-participation in classroom activities.

Fortunately, or so I thought, I've got a class thats 50% undergraduates. Check that, I've got two. I'm taking this weightlifting class that's got a couple girls. Except only one chick is hot. What's wrong with this place? I want classes with 18 year olf freshmen, or at least 21 year old senior social work majors.

Not much new on the social front. In an awkward move, I've decided I'm gonna limit my Spill intake. As much as I like a little filth on my Friday and Saturday nights, I need a new scene. Yea, it's time for the 18+ scene :-) And I am also thinking about not drinking in the month of March. I did this last year during the month of April and I felt great...and my wallet stayed full.

The Super Bowl is this weekend. Go Bears. I can't believe I am cheering for Rex Grossman. What's wrong with me?

I cannot wait for Think 'n Drink this week. Everyone come out.

Finally, I get to see my good friend Lien tomorrow. We were very good friends in undergrad but I haven't seen her since I finished UT in 2003, so almost 4 years. Very excited.

I have A Dream

In-Game Adjustments

In case you didn't know, the BCS championship game is tomorrow. Go Florida.

My latest time-waster is this new, digital sports crack pipe called Bodog LIVE. This lets you wager play-by-play for football and has similar applications to basketball betting. I'm the first to admit that prop betting is generally pretty stupid and is almost a sure way to lose money. Except this is different. Betting on LIVE action enables the savvy sportsman (c'est moi) to detect patterns in the game and capitalize on them through every play. I've done extremely well on the NFL games this weekend, and I plan to spread the good luck to all of you faithful, gambling, readers. Watch for me to continue this trend as the NFL playoffs continue next weekend (go Saints).

In a major ironic twist, Strongarm Simpson lost an epic battle over the weekend at Spill to none other than his biggest friend and wingman, alcohol. Yea, you guessed it, the girl was too drunk.

Haha, we love you man.