Memories

I was at each of these games. Oh, the memories.

Control

I didn't think it could get worse. But now she's starting to believe in her cause. Guys, run for cover.



Lessons for men and women, courtesy of Ms. Tylor (these are direct quotes):

• If the man ain't comin', he gonna be goin' somewhere else, puttin' his penis in someone else
• A lot of women will laugh and talk about a man if his penis is small
• Just because a man is in love with your vagina doesn't mean he's in love with you
• A lot of us get caught up on the dick
• Dick will make you slap somebody
• The penis is a heat-seeking missile, like a rocket. Information is encoded in it making it do what it do
• Men launch their penis up in the vaginal canal. As a woman relaxes and breathes and sits on that penis and rock and move and rotate and find her rhythm and go up and down and back and forth and around in a circle, she starts getting her groove back
• When the parts of penis hit them vagina walls, harmonizing and making them sing, a woman feels like she's in church jumping and shouting
• Dick'll make you lose control

I don't know why I think this is so funny. I'll write about different shit later.

Farm Animals

Don't ask me why I just did this, but I went and looked up a "Jackrabbit." I didn't know what it was. and I must say that it doesn't look like a sexy object at all. So if you're also curious, go here. I met a 45 year old in Vegas this weekend who owns a lingerie store in New Orleans. Told her I would swing by if I decide to go to Jazz Fest next weekend.

Enjoy.

And What, That Plate, What, $2.99?

This is the craziest thing I have ever seen. I'll have to admit that she makes a good point, it's just overly graphic. Hilarious.

Chris Goes to Bar, Meets Accountant, Rediscovers Love of Hot Sauce

Shannon Elizabeth just mugged down with David Allen Grier on live national TV. What a lucky guy...

Anyway, Tuesday nights in Austin are pretty nice because it's $1 beer night at a few hot spots. Last night a few of us rolled up to Cain & Abel's for some general socializing, beer drinking, and being thankful that our 8am Strategy class was cancelled. In short, it was a great time. I got a chance to meet Ryan's chick and Cialis' chick, who, along with her friend, we discovered to be 4th year PPA students that tried to convince us that "PPA kids are the wildest around." Yea right. Us MBAs know how to rock it harder than you imagine.

I got more drunk than I planned to. Since I didn't really eat anything all day, it only took a couple of Budweisers (not Bud Light) to get me going. As a result, I peaced out around 1am despite the fact that Cody's chick's friend was obviously feeling me.

So on my way home I decided to stop into Jack in the Box for the first time in literally 5 months. I got some greasy $0.99 tacos and a spicy chicken sandwich. When I got home I quickly ran out of the packaged hot sauce they give you. Since I was desperate for more, I went through my cupboard looking for more. Thankfully, I had bought a bottle last week at the store, so I drowned my remaining taco and sandwich in Louisiana brand hot sauce. Delicious. It was so good I think I may have had a dream about it. Too bad I don't have a foot fetish, or I'd do a commercial for these guys.

At this point I thought about proclaiming my love of hot sauce on this blog for all the world to see. But it's not necessary. Most of you who read this know me and know I hail (originally) from New Orleans, so it comes as no surprise that I love seafood and all things spicy. My parents have this picture of me holding a 3-lb live lobster when I was 2 years old. I guess I started on day 1.

On a couple of other topics, I am going to VEGAS in 39 hours. Can't wait. Perhaps more importantly, Laura has agreed to take down the "Fuck Off" sign she had aimed at me and let me be her friend again. Which is very good news b/c I thought there was a 1% chance of that happening. My friend Jess says, "Chris, don't fuck that up again." Trust me Jess, I won't.

I Can't Believe You Said That

I found myself in a funny, yet potentially volatile situation a couple of days ago that I wanted to mention...

...As fate would have it, I wound up having dinner with two different people on two consecutive evenings at the same restaurant, let's call them person A and person B. So I had made plans with person A to go to this particular establishment about a week before I actually went. I made plans with person B about 3 hours before I went. Person B suggested this place, and was really passionate about it, so I couldn't really say no. So I went. It was delicious. The next day comes around and it's time to eat with person A. I'm really thinking nothing of it. I've done this before, not by choice but by chance. So I'm thinking it's no biggie...

...I roll inside this joint and I'm greeted by the same hostess from the night before who, instead of saying something like, "Good evening, welcome to [insert restaurant name]," she says, "hey! you were here last night, weren't you"...

Are you fucking kidding me? You seriously just asked me, in front of a different girl, in front of like 6 other people waiting for tables, if I was there last night, presumably with someone else? I almost lost it. But given the situation, I stayed cool and played it off like the cool cat that I am. Thankfully person A was cool about it too. Thankfully. She thought it was kind of funny.

I've never worked in the restaurant business, but I've got to assume that when they train you, they teach you not to call people out like that. This chick evidently had no idea of the potential consequences of words like that. You can fuck up an entire evening (in the best case scenario) or an entire relationship/family/small country (worst case scenario).

So the obvious implication here is that of a cheating scenario. Thankfully, that wasn't my situation. I've told some of you how it's a small fantasy of mine to find myself eating a restaurant when the "Cheaters" TV show van screeches to a halt in front of the restaurant, barges in with their camera crew, and causes a scene [yes, I am a sick bastard].

I'm currently sitting in my advanced corporate finance class, bored as hell, obviously not paying attention. Ryan, to my left, paying attention like a good MBA student, secretly wishes he weren't here. He's probably thinking about getting drunk at Cain & Abel's tonight. Or he might be thinking about a particularly pleasurable sexual experience from 5 years ago. Who knows.

The Weather Man

Yep, Wayne makes it rain.

Sin City, Part 7

Yea, you guessed it, I'm headed to Vegas this Friday....and I can't wait.

So, it's been a while since I've been out there as a student. Normally I went out and balled out of control as a working professional, but this time its back to pure, raw, derrty fun. Someone asked me where I was staying this time, and I told them "the Palace." He asks, "Caesar's Palace?" I shyly look down at the floor and say, "naw man...Imperial Palace." But it's all good. My plan, as usual, is to gamble 14 hours a day, eat a little, drink, and go grizzly (that was for you Benton). It's been a while since I've been out here, click here for pictures of that last trip from August 2005.

My mom asked me to bring her back 10 black chips (a black chip is worth $100). While I can't promise that, I told her I'd get her something. Anything, if any of you cats want something, let me know. Nothing big (shot glass, etc), but just let me know...

..on another note, weather permitting, I am going back to Lake Travis on April 28th (Saturday). Y'all know the number if you're down for a little more jet skiing.

Stay up y'all.

Realization

When I was a kid, I read just about the entire Berenstain Bears collection of books that my parents bought for me. Though they were typical children's books, each one conveyed an important life lesson through its stories. One particular book was subtitled "It's Never Too Late To Correct A Mistake." And throughout some recent events of my own creation, I am reminded of this important maxim.

Many of you have never met my friend Laura. Laura lives here in Austin, and I met her shortly after the beginning of school this past fall. I knew I liked her instantly, but never really got to know her very well because I had just started school and was also trying to meet new friends at school. On occasion, we would hang out, but not very often. At the time, she was dating someone and so I never saw her much.

Recently (within the past 2 months or so) we've started to hang out more, on a much more regular basis, and I've enjoyed it. But, like I knew at the beginning, I knew I liked her, not just as mere casual friends but I knew I wanted to pursue something deeper if it was there. In restrospect I wish I didn't feel that way but you can't really help how you feel. Sometimes I wish I didn't like the color blue so much, but I can't just change. Anyway, I made it pretty clear that I was interested. This was maybe 6 weeks ago. So last night we go to dinner and its going very well when we start to get back on the subject of dating. I knew what she was going to say (just got out of a relationship, not ready for another, want to be single for a while, blah blah blah) so I wasn't surprised to hear it. What did surprise me was my internal reaction to it all...

...So later on we're at a bar with some of her friends and all I'm thinking is I'm not really comfortable with this situation. So I leave. Later on, somehow, I decide that I can't really just be regular friends with a girl I actually like (which still makes a bit of sense to me). So I tell her. She flips out, we argue (over text messages nonetheless) for 4 hours...

...I start to think about what I just said and I realize that I had a moment like Albert Brenneman in the movie Hitch (where he impulsively quits his job during a meeting with Allegra Cole). I overreacted and didn't fully think about the consequences of my actions. I fucked this up badly, and I am trying to undo it. Ultimately, I have realized that you can't cut people out of your life because they don't perfectly fit what you're going after. Laura is a great girl, and I wish I knew a thousand more like her because I (and everyone else) need those type of people. So yes, I am doing the unthinkable of writing her a letter (handwritten, not e-mail), sending flowers, and doing what I can to make this right. Quite simply, she's too good of a friend and way too important to me to say "that's a wrap" on the friendship, and I'm not going to give this up.

This is not an open apology to her, she doesn't even know I have a blog. I just felt like I had to wite this. Today is not a good day. Major sadness.

Boredom (5 hours later)

So you're dying to know how the rest of my evening went. Well, it was pretty much just as I expected. I did some work, watched the first episode of Chapelle's Show, and talked to HMBR for a bit. Then I had 4th meal (yea, I ran for the border).

Wow, two worthless posts in one day. It can't get much worse than that...

Boredom

Fair warning: you're probably better off not reading this. I will save you 5 minutes of your life.

I had a ton of stuff due this week. And somehow I got 85% of it (granted, it was a huge stock pitch) done. So when I got home today I found myself with just about nothing urgent to do. So what do I do when I have nothing to do? Yep, you guessed it, get on AIM. So I start talking on AIM with some people, but then that fizzles out after 28 minutes. Aside: I find it extremely difficult to have even remotely serious conversations over IM. You can't tell sarcasm, you can't hear voice tone, its really difficult.

Anyway, so then I turn on my TV and find (as is normally the case) that it's tuned to ESPN. Evidently the women's basketball championship is tonight, and no I will not be watching. So I flip through my basic cable (which sucks) to find nothing of interest. Then I think about writing in my blog, but initially reject the idea. So I heat up some food, then come back to my computer and rethink the blog thing. So I write and continue to write and I still haven't figured out what to do next. I thought about chilling at a friend's place but they were busy. I'm thinking about actually watching a movie (yes, by myself) but we'll see where that goes. I know you're all anxiously awaiting the details of the rest of my evening. Haha...


...see, I told you it was a waste of 5 minutes. But, since you're here, you might as well poke around my blog as bit. I happen to think you'll like a lot of what's here.