Model Citizen

Always one to expand my social horizons, I entertained Jenni tonight at the newfound restaurant Casa Ole, which sucked balls, and the Surf Shack, which is arguably the most ghetto club in Houston.

For months I have wanted to go to Surf Shack, and tonight the dream finally came true. I rolled in dressed like a slob, paid a fucking $5 cover charge (yes, this place charges cover on a fucking Wednesday night), and headed to the bar. After the opening round of drinks, we circled the place, checking out the crowd and soaking in the ambiance, or maybe it was the heavy amouts of cigarette and weed smoke. Anyhow, there was some cool music jamming, but since Jenni doesn't dance yet, I didn't really dance a lot. The crowd was really, really young (tonight was 18+) and a tad bit on the "urban" side, but I liked it. Alot. I'm going back very soon.

In other news, this evening I officially became a Premiere Promotions model. That's right bitches, your man is gonna sell some shit with his body. This should be cool. I'll distribute my bio complete with pictures (unairbrushed) as soon as it becomes available.

Finally, I need a drinking date for next Tuesday (yes, Valentine's Day). We'll listen to Outkast, get wasted, and see where the evening goes from there. Call 5-785-4277 to apply! Females preferred.

The Beautiful Women of 308

In what was, to date, the most amazing weekend of 2006, I traveled once again to the Ohio State University for a party.

A fucking amazing party.

Yep, it was my cousin Drew's 19th birthday, and her lovely roomates threw her a great party. I'm talking 3 kegs, leis for everyone, at least 200 people, amazing music, decent girls, people dancing all over the place, and, of course, 8 to 12 fights (the actual number is still being confirmed). For all of its craziness, it was appropriately named Drewza-Palooza, after the blowout party on the movie "Old School."

This was the kind of party that literally defines the American college social experience. When it was all said and done, the party transcended the hype, it exceeded the expectations, and in doing so it redefined and reset the standard of a great party experience.

Quite simply, this was the stuff of legends.

I must admit I was a little skeptical of going to another college party with Natural Light kegs (yuck) and frat-tacular guys with their dirty-ass hats, North Face fleeces, and Abercrombie jeans. I didn't like it at Texas and honestly still don't like it now. But everyone was cool, really cool in fact. I really enjoyed it.

I have to pause here to give general shout outs to this crew. These girls are by far the most entertaining group of sophomore girls I have ever met. Cellini, KP, Bird, and of course, Drewza, y'all are awesome and I really, really cannot wait to see all of you again. KP, you've got a hell of a standard to live up to for your 21st.

She's An Investment Banker...

It's 2:56am. I smell like a perfect mix of smoke, Chanel perfume, and alcohol, otherwise known as a typical night in Midtown. My head hurts. My ears are ringing. I'm chugging water and wishing the clubs were open till 4. But all is well, at least for this night, because I have converted two followers into Midtown-lovers. That's right, Logan & Eden love this place. It took me over a year to convince the first member of 10106 Bassoon that Midtown is the shit. And tonight, I have two people.

Allow me to briefly explain. Shortly after moving home from wonderful NYC, I discovered club 410, which I thought was amazing. Well, 410 sucks now so I had to find a new place. Two weeks ago, I found it. It's called Hue and it is 0.3 miles from my place. And it's fucking baddass. The place plays the greatest mix of music ever, catering to all audiences. The crowd looks great, and there's no cover. The drinks are expensive as shit (tonight I spent $135, mainly because we got 10 Jager Bombs @ $9 each) but the atmosphere makes up for it.

Since I discovered Logan's "white-boys-can-dance" groove in Vegas, I figured he'd like it. Our acquaintence, Eden, who looks exactly like Uma Thurman (damn, girl, you need to call me more often), loves to dance, so this was the perfect place. The place rocked.

When we first walk in, we begin the evening with the near-ceremonial partaking of the first Jaeger Bomb. I will suggest for the next 10 years that we toast to Texas winning the National Championship. So we toast, slam, and order the next round. Along the way, we notice this chick next to us. She was white, brown hair, about 5'2, probably 105. Bangin' Come to find out, she, and her fine ass blonde friend who had a boyfriend, went to Georgia Tech, and the girl is an investment banker. Chris was a banker. Chris knows the life. Unfortunately, the timing of this was way too late and she peaced out before we could really talk to her. However, as she was dancing, Logan astutely pointed out that half the girl's right nipple was showing. So, I tried to Jedi-mind trick this girls' nipple into full exposing itself. The girl had A cups (and a very miracle push-up bra), so it wouldn't have been anything magical, but cool nonetheless. My Jedi-mind trick didn't work. Oh well.

I was really pissed off that I didn't learn she was a banker until late in the evening. I would have played that shit off perfectly. Would have been in like Flint. So now, like the European chick, I'm gonna have to back-door this shit. I know she works at CSFB, and I know like 5 people there. I also still know people at JPM. So I'll just work the connects and see where it takes me.

Tomorrow I am going to my friend Karen's birthday party. Karen is married to my friend Mike, and I finally get to see their house. I'm really excited. They have such a great marriage, I'm almost jealous.

Next week I am headed to the East Coast Throwdown at The Ohio State University. My cousin is turning the big 19 (insert jokes about a 24 year old partying with 19 and 20 year old girls). Happy Birthday Drew! I still hate your football team.

Riders of the Storm - LG

As if my Longhorns winning the Rose Bowl and National Championship wasn't enough. As if watching the Rose Bowl from the stands in a seat I received for free wasn't enough. As if seeing the Seahawks win a playoff game wasn't enough. Last night I sat and watched the Seahawks in the NFC Championship game, my favorite NFL team from a city I have no connection with, a team that went 2-14 in 1992 (yes I'm still a fan), a team that has made the playoffs a total of 4 times in the past 15 years and only had a chance in the final two weeks of the season on two other occasions. The Seabags are now headed to the SUPER BOWL!

The title of this post is Riders of the Storm, a tribute to the Doors. Keep on Ridin, ridin, got to keep on ridin ridin. Thats right! The wave didnt crest in LA! The wave didnt crest when UT walked into Memphis nor did it crest when Villanova came to town. The wave didnt crest last weekend when a lady I had met in Longview after Christmas decided to drive two hours and spend an evening with me! I, sir, am a lucky man. The wave didnt crest when I witnessed the Seabags win their first playoff game since 1984 (I was not old enough to remember that victory!) And the wave didnt disappear on my first business trip I took last week to Phoenix. The flight out of Houston was delayed from 9:10 PM till 11, or that is the time we finally made it off the ground. No! In fact, the wave picked up more steam in Phoenix. I covered old memories with new ones in parts of town I had only been once before. I drove around an unfamiliar city in an Impala rapping to myself "Wanna be a balla, shot calla, twenty inch blades on the impala" Picture me rollin'. Like how I'm living?

When you're on a roll, you're on a roll. I'm on a serious roll, and the wave I've been riding could have only been created by a storm, a nasty, earth shattering, dramatizing storm. Next time you see one brewing, pull up your boot straps, buckle your seatbelt, strap on your helmet, lace your dancing shoes. Get ready to ride one out. Riders of the Storm! That which does not kill you only makes you stronger. I'm not saying the wave carrying you out of your storm will be as high as the one I'm riding. Yours might even be better, but know this. After every storm is peace. The weather clears. The clouds evaporate. The wind dies down. The temperature evens out. Never give in to depression during a storm. Life around the bend will make your trials and tribulations worth the agony.

maybe I just want to fly / I want to live I don't want to die / maybe I just want to breathe / maybe I just don't believe

Do You Drive...Stick?

This is my next car. Many of you say, "yeah, right." But then you realize who's getting it and you say, "right on, brother."



It's the BMW 6-series and I added the sport package option, hence the sweet-ass 19" rims.

Get Your Tan On

Based on a dream I had last night (and, of course, after a long conversation with my family, friends, and church pastor), I have decided to travel to St. Lucia this summer. I don't know exactly when I am going, but I don't want to go for my birthday. That said, it will have to be either during the month of June or during the first three weeks of July. I will figure out the dates by the end of March and will let y'all know. Anyone who reads this is more than welcome to come along, as it is sure to be a blast. Seriously, if you've ever been to the Virgin Islands, you know what I'm talking about. The place is amazing.

For those of you interested, just e-mail me and I can get you estimates on air travel, hotel, et cetera. Serious inquiries only.

The Power of the Mallow

First, I want to thank everyone for weighing in so heavily on my TV in the bedroom post. Apparently people want to talk about marriage on this site. Sorry. Not doing that until I am 29.

Second, I want to give MAJOR shouts out to my friends Samantha and Anica, who I have gone to dinner with the past two nights and who both PAID FOR ME!!!! Holy shit, I never thought I would see the day, much less two in a row. 2006 is the year Chris gets girls to pay for him. Not because I'm cheap (if you know me, you know I am light years from cheap), but because I just figure I have it coming to me. [Aside: I developed a policy in Fall 2001 that if I ever went out with 1 girl that I would pay for everything, and if it were two or more that I wouldn't. It's screwed me for 5 years.]

Third, and I know I am going to get in MAJOR trouble among you female readers, but I had a fantasy today. If I happen to "get lucky" again in 2006, I kinda want the girl to wear a Texas Longhorns football helmet during the "session." Is this weird?

I Hate You

An Italian sexologist did a study and concluded that having a TV in the bedroom cuts your sex life in half. I was floored. The study says that the married couples surveyed that did not have a TV had sex 8 times a month, while couples with a TV had sex 4 times a month. Are you fucking serious? 4 times a month?!? And this is among the under-50 crowd! Over 50 drops to 1.5 times per month for couples with TVs.

Is this seriously what people have to look forward to in a marriage? I hear from my married friends (guys mostly) that there's a substantial drop-off in activity once you slip those rocks onto a girl's finger. But I don't understand why that is.

Granted, I am well aware that there is a whole lot more to marriage than sex. Tons more. I would even go so far as to say that sex isn't in the top 2 priorities in a marriage (holy shit, did Chris really just say that?). But the 35-year old mind in my 24-year old body cannot comprehend "being intimate" with your spouse a mere two times a week. That's completely ridiculous.

Now, I will say this. What if you and your partners watched erotic shows on your TV? I bet that would increase your sex life. And then, what if you put a fish tank in your bedroom? Well, that might just freak her out (this is an inside joke to 2 people). But I would argue that the mere presence of a TV is probably not the cause of the decline. Maybe the Italian guys were just really hairy and their wives just weren't attracted to them anymore. There must be other reasons for the drop-off. This Italian study is flawed.

Logan and I have decided to start our own consulting firm. I am working on the incorporation papers this week, and TDD, Inc. will formally launch operations on February 1st. We will service individuals and small groups.

Trimming the Fat

Every so often I will go through my cell phone and delete people that I haven't spoken to in a long time, or who I can't remember, or who I never wish to speak to again, or some combination thereof. If I ever needed to speak to them again, I couldn't do it because I probably didn't memorize their number. Last night I deleted like 15 names, then realized I probably wanted to keep one but didn't know the number. Does anyone else do this?

Does anyone agree with levying a larger tax on fast food (a.k.a. the Fat Tax) to discourage its consumption?

I want people to stay on this site longer. Yes, I track visit lengths. I know people check daily for key words, implicit insults, etc, but stay a while, read, vote in my poll (bottom of the page), and leave some remarks. Below is a sample of nerdy shit I like to look at (January 17th only).

Question

You can get a Big Mac for a dollar.

If I'm going out on a date, and the girl asks how she looks, can I tell her she looks like a million Big Macs? I mean, that's the same as telling her she looks like a million dollars, right?

Leave some comments, bitches. I'll write more in the morning.

Writer's Block

I've been staring at my screen for a full 20 minutes thinking about what to write. This is guaranteed to suck, so stop while you're ahead. But you won't because you like what I write. Admit it, you love this.

I suppose I could first say happy Martin Luther King, Jr day to everyone. Watch the parade, engage in some good discussion, barbeque, etc, to commemorate the holiday. Like those of Rosa Parks, I am thankful for Dr. King's actions so I could grow up in a better society. And I'd imagine many others are thankful as well.

I think talking about grape juice is getting me somewhere. Saturday night I met this girl whose last name is Chappelle. I think I'm in love. Not really, but it was kinda cool.

So a while back (during Hurricane Rita, way before I discovered Tom Leykis) I went out with this girl. We go to Tex-a-delphia, then to a movie, and then hook up at her place. Naturally, I paid for the food and movie (and kept it under $40), which got me to thinking: Is it right for guys to expect sex from spending money on girls? I won't share my view for fear of backlash from both sides of the debate, but if you really know me then you know how I feel. Anyway, that's the subject of this week's poll. Please take the time to scroll down and vote.

Congratulations to Logan for his victory over the Houston Cougars. With time running out in overtime, he penetrated the defense and slammed it home. I got my asian, Lo got his Cougar. The sun is rising.

It's only Monday, but I can't wait for this weekend. Party in Austin.

All The Small Things

This post is about a few minor, seemingly inconsequential things that happen to me that I make a big deal out of, either rightly or wrongly.

I got a sweet-ass haircut yesterday. It's actually just a light fade with the taper in the back, but the guy did a really good job of it. And, I am proud to announce, after nearly 25 years on this planet, I finally have enough upper-lip hair to call it a mustache. I also had him extend my sideburns all the way down and have the hair follow my jawline. It looks sweet-ass.

Whenever I am at a club, especially here in Midtown, it never fails that several groups of like 4 or 5 super hot girls roll up and walk right in to the party. Where the hell do these girls come from?!? And more importantly, why I don't I know them? Maybe I see them on the street in their everyday clothes and think nothing of it, but then they go through metamorphosis on Friday and Saturday nights and become fucking bombshells. I'm not the kind of guy to reach out and grab a girl's ass, but last night I had a hell of a time controlling myself. But then I remind myself these girls are all golddiggers, and since I am also a golddigger, it wouldn't work out. But who cares? I'm not talking about marriage, I'm talking about tonight!*

Can anyone identify the middle eastern country someone accessed this website from? It's next to Africa, but I don't know what it is.


*copyright 2005 by Logan

So I Fucked A Midget...

...not really. Sorry to disappoint, but do you actually think I would do some wacky, circus porn shit like that? I'm just trying to get your attention.

I title this post as such to illustrate the theme of this post: funny shit that's simply inappropriate to do or to make fun of. The humor here is largely sophomoric and some of it is downright wrong, so if you can't handle it then, well, fuck off.

Two events over the past few days made me chuckle...

Event #1: My friend Staci coaches a seventh- and eighth-grade girls basketball team at an Austin middle school. Many of the girls are playing organized sports for the first time, so it came with little surprise that they lost their first game 67-2. Reportedly, one of the girls even peed herself during the game. Chalk that drubbing up to experience, or lack thereof. So the second game came around and they lost 44-2. It started getting funny to me. I told Staci that her team averages two fucking points a game, and this ain't soccer. So yesterday the team had their third game, and I'm thinking they're poised to win. After all, they were playing the mighty girls from the Texas School for the Deaf. The final score was 44-17...Staci's team lost. I'm talking to Staci and I'm like, "dear, the other team was deaf, they could'nt hear." I know it's insensitive to laugh. So, in typical Chris wisecracking fashion, I suggested they play the Texas School for the Blind. She called me a "fucker."

Event #2: Selvin Young conducted an interview shortly after Texas won the Rose Bowl in which he bashed the media for "straight up disrespecting" Texas during the weeks before the big game. The funny part came at the end when he said the media didn't expect Texas (as opposed to USC) to stand behind the "podum" (as opposed to "podium") and receive the tropy. Might need to repeat English 301, dude.

Event #3 (added at 2:50pm Friday): I'm at a bar last weekend standing next to this girl while waiting for the bar tender. Her back is to me and I kind of feel her hair a bit. She turns around suddenly and I jerk her hair a little. She gives me a dirty look but doesn't say anything. Later on I'm back at the bar (after I had been drinking) and we start talking about some random shit. I tell her that I have to leave and we give our salutations. But before I left I told her that she needed to start using conditioner because her hair was brittle as hell. I thought it was funny.

In other news, does anyone find it funny that the picture on my Blogger profile links to the HotOrNot website? Or have no of you noticed? Well, the explanation is that I couldn't find any other free picture hosting website that I could link to.

And finally, I found this really cool interactive map thing that lets you see where everyone who reads this blog is reading it from. I've also started going back to my stat counter website and looking specifically where people are accessing this site from. I can see the exact city and state, even the ISP. Mostly people from Texas are looking at it. I've had a fair amout of page loads from different cities in New York, Massachusetts, Washington, Kansas, Arizona, and California. Then I've got some international hits from France and Norway. Pretty cool.

Blonde Moment

This is on Reggie Bush's failed lateral attempt. Texas recovered, but the SC cheerleader is confused...

January 11, 2006

"Girl, you look so good, I would drink your bathwater." -Jerome from "Martin"

Two weeks ago during my trip to Nice, I learned that white people never knew about the TV show Martin until 2004, a full 6 years after the show went off air. This saddened me because the show rocks and everyone would enjoy it. But, of course, I understood. After all, I wasn't aware that Seinfeld (which, coincidentally, had the same time slot as Martin) even existed until it went off air.

I was thinking about my Rose Bowl experience and became a bit concerned with how emotionally invested I was into that game. I've discussed this with two people already. Is it a good sign when the successes/failures of a football team dictate your emotional state for the days and weeks following a game? Never in my entire life have I been as nervous as I was during the 4th quarter, and its only a football game. I've been through job interviews so stressful and nerve-wracking that some people break down and can't finish, I've been in heaps of trouble, and even dealth with (albeit minor) pregnancy scares. I am supposed to be super nervous about those things, but it was this game that had my adrenaline pumping the most, my heart beating the fastest (though I will say my heart was jumping out of my chest when I first met who is now my crazy-ass ex-girlfriend), my eyes watering, my hands trembling, and my knees buckling. Maybe it was like that because I was in the stadium. Who knows. Does anyone think this is a good sign?

In other news, I'm starting 2006 with women problems, but I'm gonna have fun resolving them this time. After all, I'm Chris, goddammit.

And before I forget, congratulations to Prayes and Sonali on their recent engagement!!

Haterade, part Deux

This may end up being a fairly long post, so get a glass of water and dig in.

On a bright, sunny, warm-weathered day here in Houston, Texas, I woke up from a decent sleep, although I was sweating a bit. With an unusual burst of morning energy, I hopped out of my bed, performed the normal morning tasks (teeth, hair, etc) and turned on my computer. Now, I normally go to three websites to start the day. I check e-mail then go to, in this order, cnn.com, abcnews.com, espn.com, and thefacebook.com. All was right in the world (no terrorist bombings, avalanches, murders, etc.) until I went to the facebook. I had a little message on the facebook this morning informing me that I, Chris, am an asshole. (For some reason, I am excited when I have mail on the facebook. I don't know why, I just do.)

I don't take that as a compliment. In fact I really, really do not like that someone thinks I am an asshole.

This post, faithful readers, is geared toward establishing myself as a non-jerk.

Ok, some of you may say there are varying degrees of asshole-ness. I disagree; either you are or you aren't. No one has ever said, "oh, he's ok, he's just a small asshole." Doesn't happen. So by showing some of the all time worst assholes, I hope to position myself as a non-asshole. So here goes:

Asshole #1: Andrea Yates - this crazy bitch killed her five children during the summer of 2001. Maybe we should call her a murderer. That would be more appropriate.

Asshole #2: Tom Leykis - I have never in my life heard someone so staunchly advocate taking advantage of women. This guy hates women, makes fun of them in every way possible, and has made it his life's mission to tell guys how to, as he says, "pump 'em and dump'em." Fuck that guy.

Asshole #3: The racist cop from the movie "Crash" - that guy was a total dick and made you want to break his jaw and rip his teeth out with pliers.

Asshole #4: Tom DeLay, former House Majority Leader - 'nuff said.

Asshole #5: Sean Taylor, safety, Washington Redskins - in his second incident, this guy spit in the face of an opponent in a game over the weekend. Stuff like that could spread disease. The asshole cap fits.

If any of you loyal readers feel I approach this type of behavior, the fine, call me an asshole. I seriously doubt any of you would come to that conclusion.

But hey, at least I've got 20,000 more airline miles am now OnePass Silver Elite for that trip to Madrid that I am never taking. I think I'll go to Barcelona instead and visit my A&M friend Petra, who is studying abroad.

In other news, Eric had his first experience in First Class on our Rose Bowl trip. I should have asked the stewardess to give him a pair of wings.

I am going to find a simple html-based survey I can put on this website. I'd like to get people's responses to various topics. Check back often for this.

Haterade On These Hoes

This post is not meant to hurt or offend women. It is not misogyny, because I don't hate women. I am writing this because I am feeling particuarly empowered right now. I also happen to be listening to the Tom Leykis show, which I discovered during my trip to LA. Houston stations don't play this guy, so I have to catch him online. That's besides the point.

I write this because I happen to find two of Tom's views pretty damn true. First, Tom says guys should never spend more than $40 on a date - EVER. The man is right. Guys, there really is no need to spend a lot on a date trying to get laid. A girl knows withing 7 seconds of meeting you whether she wants to have sex with you. Taking her out on an expensive-ass date won't change things. Seriously, don't waste your cash. Goodness knows we've all spent way too much in pursuit of what ends up being a fucking lousy piece of ass. As Tom says, 10 cent wings, dollar beers and a dollar movie is all you need. I don't think I'd take that particular route, but I understand Tom's point.

Second, Tom pontificates that guys should try to get women to pay for dates. I'd imagine most guys would agree with this, but too bad there aren't many women out there who are cool with it. If there are, please tell me. I would have absolutely no problem being taken out by a chick. None at all.

Tom also says that guys have absolutely nothing to gain from entering into relationships with girls. Personally, I'm not sure if I agree with that. Regardless, his show generates a ton of controversy and I will listen for a couple weeks or so before I get sick of this dude. You all should check it out.

Tex-an posted a comment knocking the University of Kansas fans. Apparently they were misbehaving at the Fort Worth Bowl. Kansas, don't get happy about this game. You got lucky. Your football team sucks. Your school sucks (a miserable #97 ranking among 110 schools ranked by US News). Your fans suck. And your girls are awful, awful in bed. Seriously, you should be able to slap a girl if she bites you while performing oral. But Ohio State girls are pretty fucking talented :) Hi Jenna!

Blow me up Tom!

Chappelle (not Rush) is Right

Until now, I have joked about Dave Chappelle's assertion that white people drink grape juice. But that mere assertion gained some traction in my mind during a flight from Toronto last week...

I'm sitting on the plane talking to a chick who also happened to sit next to me on the flight from Paris when the stewardess begins the beverage service. I order water, as does the girl next to me. In the row behind me sat a man in his 40s, white, upper-middle-class status. "Anything to drink for you, sir?," said the stewardess as I held my breath hoping this would be the moment of truth. Then I heard those magical words...

"I'll have some grape juice," the man said. I damn near shit a brick. A huge grin crept across my face as if I had just discovered the cure to cancer. Chappelle's theory had been validated.

Unfortunately, grape juice was not available so the man's second choice was apple juice, which almost made me shit a second brick. Regardless, it was a very funny moment.

The Holidays

Over the past two weeks I have taken some pretty cool trips. After Christmas, I went to Nice, France to vacation. Then I went to Los Angeles for the Rose Bowl. For those of you living on an island in the middle of nowhere, Texas won. Click on the embedded links for pictures from both excursions.

Random thoughts - December 2005

It's random thoughts time. I tend to do this once a month or so. I'll bounce around from topic to topic here.

I am slightly troubled because my blog has no topical focus. I know I "decided" back in August to talk about whatever, but I feel that there ought be a theme among my writings. It is tough for me to focus on one topic because my mind is thinking about 10 different things at once, but, as they teach at the Edgar Allen Poe Veterinary School of Journalism for Ravens at the University of Kansas, good journalists can focus on a singular subject and develop it well. Guess I'm a bad journalist...

I was completely and totally wrong in my assessment of the Fort Worth bowl being unwatchable. Indeed, I did watch it and enjoyed the, albeit surpring, offensive production of Kansas. I am saddened that Houston crumbled like it did. 42-13 was not the score I, or anyone else for that matter, expected. Congratulations Jayhawks, you played a stellar game. Houston, it'll have to wait till next year.

I still haven't bought most of my Christmas presents yet. I could have bought them today, but I spent a ton of time looking for a #10 Texas football jersey. As expected, it was no where to be found. I intend to buy everything tomorrow. And this year, I giving everyone exactly what they want: options. That's right, gift cards for all.

Finally, I am sick of ESPN college football analysts Kirk Herbstreit and Mark May. I have completely lost respect for these guy's work over the past week. I am convinced USC pays them to say some of the baseless, stupid shit on TV right now. Mark May, for example, says 2005 USC would beat the 1997 Michigan team 49-14 (5 touchdowns) if they played. That Michigan team allowed a total of 5 passing touchdowns all season and beat 7 top 25 teams, including 2 top 10 teams. That team led the nation in takeaways. Mark, are you fucking retarded? 5 touchdowns?!? If this crew says USC could beat 2001 Miami, I am going to blow a gasket. What's worse is that the entire nation is also voting on this shit, and they're all saying USC would win these games. We live in a nation full of idiots. On a lighter note, some fans are joking about the massive cosmic powerhouse that ESPN is making USC out to be. Some have suggested had USC teamed with Poland, the German invasion would have been stopped. Still others would like to see 2005 USC vs Julius Caesar's 58 B.C. Roman army. Kirk and Mark are still taking USC. Take the Trojan cock out of your mouths guys. It's getting ridiculous.

Merry Christmas everyone! Let's all make 2006 better than 2005. I know I will.

Fuck Your Couch!

The title of this entry is largely unrelated to the post. I am here to bitch about the ridiculous amount of press coverage USC is getting right now. Specifically, I am referring to the four whole minutes ESPN is devoting to SportsCenter attempting to place this year's USC team among the great ones in history. Now, I have no problem talking about it in the abstract. USC is no doubt a great team. Hell, I wouldn't even have much of a problem putting a little poll on the web and having the public vote. But to have Kirk Herbstreit and Mark May spend part of their day trying to figure out who would win between USC and (tonight's contender, for example) the 1991 Washington Huskies is excessive.

I hate this shit. For the past two years, we've talked about Oklahoma's place in history, as their past two teams have put up huge offensive numbers (Jason White - 40 touchdowns in 2003), but the media didn't cut into its on-air prime time to debate this topic.

Why the fuck does USC get so much goddamn coverage?!? And why is it all so desperately positive? I'm starting to think it's because they are from LA, a glamorous, sexy town that loves superstars. Think ESPN would shack up in Norman for two weeks to do a show about the Sooners' place in history? I think not.

I realize that Leinart and Bush are Heisman trophy winners. They are stellar players, play on a great team, and are enjoying a great run. But I would like to see the media treat them like the mortal humans they are, not eternal deities. Seriously, this team receives more press than the damn Colts. And it's as if Pete Carroll can do no wrong if you give him three weeks to prepare for something. Maybe we should give Pete Carroll three weeks to devise a plan to defeat the terrorists in the Middle East.

Some of you USC supporters/fuckers may think I'm jealous. Maybe I am. I'm just pissed off that the media has already voted USC national champion two weeks before the game is to be played. So let's save the great debate until after the game.

I am reminded through all of this of a lesson I learned as a little kid. That lesson is that everyone has a weakness. Indeed, it's hard to find one in USC, but one exists. Someone or some team that experiences tremendous success begins to believe that they can't be beat. So I hope SC reads the press and believes all this shit.

I hope all this press makes our players ultra motivated to beat these fuckers. Reggie Bush's dumb ass already called this game "like a home game." I implore all the Texas fans to show up early, show these USC folk how we do it down south, and cheer our team to victory. I was really pissed off at Ohio State because fans were talking so much shit, and extremely happy when we won the game. I am even more pissed off now. It is not an option anymore, we must win this game.

Finally, if you read this and you're from LA...I need some bars/clubs to go to, so hook me up. I hear The Belmont is hot right now.

Going Pro

After a long, hard discussion with my family, friends, and of course my church pastor I am here to announce that Chris Sybille has made it his intention to pursue a professional football career with the NFL. That's right bitches, I am declaring for the 2006 NFL draft. I have contacted the NFLPA (NFL Players Association) for full details. My declaration will be made official this week. Since I didn't play collegiate football at the University of Texas, or any other level of organized football for that matter, I'm going to make my tryout tape tomorrow during the Stella Link Flag Football Classic. Stay tuned for more information. I will also try to post the video on the web for all the world to see that I am better than Reggie Bush. I just need to grow 5 inches and put on 60 lbs.

In other news, Jeremy is up for an Emmy, or a rodeo award. Dude, I told you that girl was big. But at least you held on for 8 seconds....hahaha

End of a Dynasty

Amid an otherwise wonderful evening celebrating Logan's 25 years of service on this planet (thanks Phil), I was apprised of a tragedy. As six of us made our way through downtown, we happened upon my once-favorite place, club 410, and found that, well, it sucked. Everything had changed. The bartenders were all different, it wasnt crowded at all, the people who were there were a little weird. I was sad. 410 was the spot for me when I first moved here. It was where I went the night of the Super Bowl to party. I had some good times. I even talked to the owner one night about buying a portion of the equity in the place - an investment of sorts. But on this night it was empty. Perhaps it was because of the weather (40 degrees or lower), or perhaps it was because the place really sucked. I dunno. Anyway, my friend Beth works somewhere else now, as do most of the other bartenders. They don't do lingerie nights frequently anymore, which sucks. And the swing hardly gets anymore use. Oh well. I just need to find another "spot" to get my dance on, another bartender to hook me up with drinks, and all will be right in the world again. Tomorrow I am going to the Texans game, to watch is lose to the Arizona Cardinals, but then we are playing flag football afterwards :-) Then I will hopefully go out to a party which will conclude a sweet 25th birthday weekend. Happy Birthday Logan, may this 25th year be the best of all!

The Best Wurst

The title is a double entendre (I have no idea how to spell that word). It is the name of a bratwurst stand on 6th street and is also the main idea of the posting today. I am here to discuss what I think are the best and worst bowl games of this holiday season. Apologies to those who I have hurt and peed on by slamming your schools (Phil, Matt, Les, etc.)

These are my two best games of the bowl season:

#1 Best: The Rose Bowl - Texas vs USC: This is basically a no-brainer. SC has the longest winning streak in the country. Texas has the second longest streak. Combined these teams have won 53 conescutive games. All three Heisman finalists (a.k.a the three best players in the country) will be on the field. Texas and USC combined will have more All-Americans on the field than will any other bowl game this season. Need I say more.

#2 Best: The Peach Bowl - Miami vs LSU: Most would agree that this could have been a Sugar Bowl or Orange Bowl matchup. If LSU doesn't get clobbered by UGA and Miami doesn't fuck around and lose to Georgia Tech and goes on to beat V-Tech again in the ACC championship, this game would be paying out $28 million instead of $6 mil. Both teams have impressive offenses (yes, Miami can score points). This should be a great defensive battle, as both teams are in the top 5 nationally in total defense.

These are my two worst games of the bowl season:

#2 Worst: The Champs Sports Bowl - Clemson vs Colorado: I don't need to say much about Colorado. They were outscores 100-6 over their last two games and will not be with their head coach, who was fired shortly after the Texas massacre. The team is slumping and has no need to show up for this. Clemson is playing with a hurt QB and underachieved this season. However, they come into this game riding a 3-game winning streak. This could get ugly for CU really fast. Luckily, I won't be watching.

#1 Worst game of the bowl season: The Fort Worth Bowl - Houston vs Kansas: My apologies to those who root for these schools. I'm sure you'll disagree. Both of these schools come into the game with 6-5 records, bowl eligible only because they had wins over 1-AA schools. This should be called the Fort Worthless bowl. Houston should be motivated to beat a Big 12 school, but Kansas simply has no offense. This should be boring.

Zero Tolerance Policy

If ever I experienced proof that my post-college drinking tolerance has significantly decreased, it was this evening. After a long day of doing basically nothing, I looked forward to joining my friend Jenni at Los Cacos for $1 margaritas on Tuesdays. That's when it got ugly. I kept up with her for the first one. She quickly downed her second and proceeded to begin sipping her third while I was midway through my second. I finally made it to my third when she began her fourth. I only got 1/3 of the way through my third 'rita when I had to throw in the towel. The delicious spinach enchiladas I enjoyed along the way were crowding out space in my stomach. Jenni kept on trucking and downed her fifth. I was impressed. And a little embarassed. Seriously, when was the last time I was outdrank by 66% (her 5 to my 3, 5/3 = 1.66667)? The answer- only once, during a ragingly alcoholic trip I took to New Orleans when I was a sophomore at UT. I attempted to keep up with three guys who averaged 6'4 and 200 lbs. I was way in over my head.

So, I have concluded I have no tolerance, and since I need something on which to focus my energies these days, I have decided to cross train for drinking. I am going to have a liver expansion surgery as well as a stomach expansion. The result of both procedures should bode well for my prospects of never being outdrank like that again. My threshold is 10%. 66% is a bit much.

In other news, I went to the store and bought some grape juice today. The funny part is that I only remembered to get one of the items I actually went there for. I also forgot my digital camera at home, so I was unable to get a picture of some 2005 grape drink. Not to worry, faithful readers, I will post a pic soon.

And finally, I received word that the Rose Bowl tickets have arrived. I am the luckiest fan alive. I will have attended, for free, two of the biggest games this season. I don't really care now that I paid $275 for that Ohio State ticket. I will have attended 6 games this year, and gone to 3 of them (including Oklahoma and USC) free of charge. I am lucky. Very, very, very, very lucky. Or is it that I am well-connected, like the spider who rules the jungle?

Trojans are too small for Longhorns, bitches.

Skeet, skeet, skeet all over USC.

The Wave - LG

Since mid-August when I took that trip to Vegas, I have been riding a wave the likes which man has never seen before.  (try that again using the voice from Star Trek.) The ball has bounced my way ever since.  The last time my life hit a wave like this I was carried on the shoulders of my friends from the circle at center court to the stands at the feet my teary eyed parents. 

 

In October I witnessed the world series in texas for the first time.  I saw UT pound Tech for 30 bucks a seat.  I later found a ticket to Kyle Field for 40 bones the night before the game.  Paid 50 for a field level 10 yard line seat last weekend at the Big 12 Championship.  The Longhorns have sucessfully finished the railroad to the national championship game.  My basketball team is ranked #2, and whats this?  The seahawks have already secured a spot in the playoffs?  The seabags?  My favorite team since the days of Steve Largent.  This team has never been to the super bowl, never had home field advantage in the playoffs, and havent won a playoff game since the early 80s.  Not to mention the personal satisfaction I got out of watching the 'bags beat the expletive out of Philly on Monday Night Football.  What happens if none of these teams wins in the end?  Nothing!  The point here is that I'm loving every minute of having these opportunities to live vicariously through the athletes I support. 

 

Here's a notice to basketball fans:  The Houston Cougars are tough.  Saturday after the football game, I sat, for free, third row baseline, even with the baseline, to see the Cougars run over Arizona before the fans rushed the court.  It was amazing.  From the stands i had the priviledge of watching what I had done four years before.  I speak of the first 'court crash' in Longhorn history, the game versus Iowa State where I sat in a folding chair underneath the goal.  A seat which I camped out for before UT cracked the top 25.  Just watching the cougars do the same was a treat that I will cherrish.

 

In other news!  My 22 years young brother, soon to be graduate of texas tech, has proposed to his girlfriend of nearly 4 years.  He asked her the day tech slipped past oklahoma.  And no! He did not propose AT the game.  Fortunately her father taped the event, and upon further review she did say yes.  So congratulations bro!  May your love be true.

 

we're taking over this town.... .... lets go one more time around

 

Not Your Daily Vitamin

Roses Really Smell Like Bevo

The cowboys from hell are strutting into the City of Angels, and we're gonna turn it into a Texas-sized football party! Let's review the season checklist:

• Win the opener: Check!
• Beat Oklahoma: Check!
• Beat A&M: Check!
• Win the division: Check!
• Win the conference title: Triple Check!
• Win the national title: Coming January 4th...

The invitation to the Rose Bowl came moments after an industrial strength ass whooping that Texas laid down on Colorado to the tune of 70-3. I've seen Texas score 69 points, but 70 is a new high. I loved it. And the best part is that Vince didn't have a super stellar game. He was effective, threw for 3 td's, and was out of the game in the middle of the 3rd quarter. When it was all over, I was clutching roses, singing the Eyes of Texas, and planning for my second California bowling trip (in 2003 I went to the Holiday Bowl).

Well, two years later, I am going back to Cali, and I will still be fantastically well (or is it better than spectacular?). Logan will sport a bandana because Logan sports bandanas. Eric will find the secret 3-second route to the stadium because he's smarter than the GPS. And me, I'm just gonna drink some grape juice because Chris drinks grape juice...and beer.

I believe it is these moments that make life fun. College football history will be made regardless of the outcome of this game. Now I need a Michael Huff jersey and some jokes about USC...

Cookie! Cookie! Cookie!

It turns out that my suspicions were true; the cookie monster really was on crack all this time! SO funny. Thanks for the image Peyman!

Random thoughts - November 2005

I ask you all not to think I am a total weirdo, but I must make a few comments.

I was sitting at a bar with my good friend Rabeea the other day when she asked me how I liked Europe. Among many other things, I told her I thought Europe was cool because the electrical outlets were powered to 240 volts. Our US outlets are 115 volts. That means you get over twice the power from a European outlet. Imagine the possibilities. Water would boil in like 2 minutes, a 30 minute meal would take 14 minutes and 23 seconds. I was blown away. Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor would be in love. She laughed, but oh well. 240 volts is fucking awesome.

This weekend is the Big XII Championship. Texas plays a struggling Colorado team here in Houston at the magnificent Reliant Stadium. My good friend Eric is trucking in from Austin for the game, and it should be a good weekend. Texas should dismantle Colorado and head to Pasadena for the 2006 Rose Bowl. I will travel to southern California with Eric, Logan, and Eric's father for that game, which promises to be unforgettable, regardless of the outcome. But I know we will win because USC has a shitty defense. My only concern is covering Dwayne Jarrett. Cedric Griffin got lit up last year covering Braylon Edwards. Hopefully our coaches will come up with a game plan to slow Jarrett down.

Finally, for those of you who were wondering, I am still drinking grape juice, as opposed to grape drink, because, as Dave Chapelle eloquently says about grape drink, "aint't no vitamins in that shit..." And yes, Fade to Pink, I still want some apple drink...it's green!

Europe Trip

This is gonna be real short. A few weeks ago I went to Europe. I had not been off the continent of North America in my entire left, so this was cool. I went to the cities of London and Paris. Both were a damn good time. Although, just as I thought, there is no blue sky in Europe. At all. It's just like New York. But I liked the money. Great Britain has coins for currency and the paper notes start at £5 (approx $10). I think that is fucking awesome. The same goes for euros. There are coins for up to €2 (approx $3.50). For those of you who have never been, London is expensive as hell, but a good time. And they say stuff like "fantasically gay wizard" to describe an enjoyable experience (good party, dinner, etc) someone has. And everyone laughed when I said I was from Sugarland. But they love that I'm from Texas. And I think I managed to convince James's friend Abby that I rode a horse 30 miles to the airport and parked him in a barn.

One final thought, this time about Paris. Paris is a very nice city with some odd shit. First, they have these glorified go-karts called "smart cars" which I recently learned are made by Mercedes-Benz. You can see one in my Europe pictures. I definitely see the need, as parking space is limited (as is the case in most European cities I think), but I can't see how you could fit a ton of groceries in that thing. Second, French wine is fucking delicious, it is served in moderate portions in restaurants (roughly 75cl, or centiliters), and is really cheap. I'm trying to find it here in the US.

At the end, I was happy to get back to the good ole USA. I'm just about done with grad school applications, which makes me happy.

It's a Celebration, Bitches!

I'm four weeks late on this, but it's better late than never. So here goes...

Halloween is always the time for us adults to pretend to be someone we're not, and somehow it's fun. Anyway, I had the privilege to attend my good friends William's and his brother Wryan's halloween party. William and Wryan are two good friends I have from back in New Orleans. I've known William basically since I was born. Literally. Like I met the doctor who delivered me, then my parents, then my brother, then William. Like many others, he and some friends have relocated to Houston in the wake of the Hurricane Katrina disaster.

The party was a good deal of fun; tons of food (some good-ass meatballs), lots of drinks, and good company. I, in typical halloween style, didn't put much energy into my costume, so I threw on my "Vote for Pedro" t-shirt and pretended to be Pedro's campaign manager (please don't laugh). William and Wryan dressed in garb resembling the characters from the 1995 movie thriller Dead Presidents.

On the way, the two stopped to get ice from a local convenience store (mind you, they were dressed up, as it was Halloween night). They grab two bags, then go to check out. The clerk looks at them and asks if the two bags is all they need. William jokingly says "yea, two bags of ice and, umm...everything in the register." The clerk shit his pants. They started chuckling, paid for the ice and left. I would have loved to see that. That shit is funny.

Anyway, it was an awesome time and can't wait till the next get-together.

The Crew - LG

This one is dedicated to the Crew, the two fine young gentlemen that bought my freedom with their sweat and understanding.

Several weeks ago, I made the trip to Austin to see Texas slug Tech while rubbing it in my red raider brother's face. The weekend was great. One more weekend partying it up in the A,TX. Saturday night after the game I received a text from someone on my short list. These simple words would cause me grief for the following week. "Hope you've had a great day today" BLASPHEMY!! The first thing three things that came to my mind as a reply were not the sort to be repeated, so I tried to move on. Sure, don't let it bother me. I tried. Brainwaves still not fully functional at this time, and that was d-day. Key Word: WAS.

Two weeks later on Friday morning, I received a little instant message that says 'morning'. Just 'morning' but thats not the point. The point is who sent me this message. Guess. Instantly I signed off, I dont need this. Last time I got a message, I spent a week with a twister in my head. Five minutes later, I knew it was time. Since July, I have had no desire to see nor speak to this vile creature that would do me this way. Therefore, the table and chairs my parents gave me were still adorning Stacie's apartment. The time is here. I must cut those last strings keeping me connected.

After finally getting a time fixed when I could retrieve my table, I had to find a truck on short, short notice. Michael Gutierrez was more than willing to take some time away from his wife to lend me a hand on 3 hours notice. My other partner would be Jeremy Robertson, a long-time friend and cross country foe. (For privacy reasons I'm not going to say a whole lot about the difficulties I had getting a time when I could go over to her place or my opinions on her specifically through this recount of the proceedings.) As soon as the door opened, we were all business. "hello" walk straight for a chair and out to the truck. The Crew followed taking all four chairs down from the 3rd floor apartment. Upon returning to the apartment, we went straight for the table. Now, I would have carried the table. I promise you. I would have carried the table. But, Michael and Worm were gracious enough to do the heavy lifting for me. With the table on the breezeway, I turned, for what I hope is the last time, to the one who had my heart for so long. As she sat on the sofa and motioned good-bye, I told her what I had to say. I have all my pieces, there is no more reason for you to contact me, messege me, text me. This is it. Of course she thinks not replying to me while I seek to grab my table is what I mean. I reminded her of the two 'contacts' mentioned above and turned to walk. As my feet hit the breezeway, both locks turned behind me, thus closing the book on that chapter of my life. Regrets? .... I dont live to regret.

As for my blog, this is the last post on the subject. I've enjoyed taking the time to write out my thoughts and have learned from these expressions, but now its time for me to set aside these thoughts. I've decided that the remaining ill effects of this experience are not noteworthy as things just seem to repeat and I feel that the usefulness of this has run its course. That said, I'll have to figure out what else to write about.

...and don't you know / its a beautiful new day. (hint: E.L.O! I'll be suprised if someone not in my immediate circle knows this one.)

Kink

Just thought this was a cool picture...

Thank You

I never had to walk a mile in her shoes. No one ever thought two tired feet and a $14 fine could change the world. But in 1955, they did just that. Her refusal to give up her seat on a bus after a hard day's work inspired a movement that marked one of the largest and most successful challenges of segregation in U.S. history.

Her determiniation never to be humiliated again like she was the fateful day in October 1955 sewed the seeds of the Civil Rights movement that ultimately ended segregation and began to give blacks a rightful place in America.

Rosa Parks died Monday in her Detriot home at age 92. We should all stop to think about how lucky we are as a result of her civil disobedience. Most of us wouldn't have done what she did. Because of her, we won't have to. Thank you, Mrs. Parks.

Whats this? - LG

Ha Haaaa! whooooo! (imagine the nature boy rick flair) whooooo! Yeah
son! Let me celebrate a minute, world series coming to my city. Texas
has never hosted a world series. The rangers started in '61, the colt
45's (the astro's name before the astrodome) in '62. Astros! Roger
Clemens (hook em), petite, oswalt, backe, biggi-oooo, berkman, willie
t, burke, wham-bam thank you lamb, i can name them all. This team was
15 games below .500. Only the '15 braves were worse and still made the
playoffs ... then won the world series. Do you know how happy i am to
see this team in the series? i must have watched all of over 75 games
and most of more than 120 games this year. I saw the 3 games that
dropped us to 15 below and the two after where we won a few. I'm not
bragging here because obviously i sat around a lot, but to stick with
something like that and come out on top is unbelieveable. The Stros
are holding two absolute locks for the Hall, one more thats as good as
gold, and a number of other guys well on their way. This is my citay.
Welcome to my citay! if you could only see the jig i was dancing as
the team danced busch into just a memory. This is how you beat your
demons. This is how you break out and end 43 years of dead-ends. You
go out and beat your rival. You go out and turn the tables. If you
watched the games this week you saw the cardinals, not the astro's, in
fear, the cardinals making the errors, the cardinals sweating in the
batters box. Beating the cardinals for an astro's fan is like drilling
oklahoma for us horns. Nailing the cardinals in game six of the NLCS,
winning the last two and 4 of the last 5 in busch to close it down is
beyond words. "Yeah remember how much fun we had in Busch? that
stadium was great" Ha Haaa! Suckas! We closed that place down! Only
two teams have played their last home game ever in a stadium where they
lost the deciding game of a series. Welcome to the club, ye 'red
fowl'!

Now! Bring on the black sox, i mean white sox. The last time the
white sox made the series, the black sox threw the series. Mafia pay
offs. The white sox organization has been punished, cursed by their
foul play and dispicable actions. Since then, they've made the series
twice, back in 1959 when they lost and in 2005. Here's to the
resurrection of demons past for the boys of the south side. May your
misery continue. May the south side franchise rot in the annals of
lore. No man alive should remember a time the white sox were champs.
Players have thrown games before or shed points (devils) but these guys
threw away the gold. Many have played long careers and never had a
chance to play the series. Many have made it, some more than others,
and have walked away empty handed again and again. You play the game
to be the best. You bust your ass to win the big one. To blow series
was a crime against every man that has ever tossed a ball to himself in
the backyard pretending to be in the bottom of the 9th, staring at
Nolan Ryan, full count, two outs with the bases juiced and you're down
3. I happen to be one of those men. Go Stro's!

'and the earth becomes my throne'

The Greatest Game

I am lucky to have been alive during the past 16 years in sports history. In the collegiate footballing arena, I've witnessed four of the greatest teams in history, the Oklahoma Sooners of recent years, the USC Trojans of this year, and the Miami Hurricanes and Florida State Seminoles of the 1990s. In pro football, I saw the great 49er teams with Young, Montana, and Rice. I saw the Broncos with John Elway, the Browns with Bernie Kosar and Ernest Byner, and others. In the early 90s, I watched the Fab Five matriculate at Michigan, the Grant Hill and Bobby Hurley show at Duke, Larry Johnson, Stacey Augmon and the basketball juggernaut known as the 1989 UNLV Runnin' Rebels...

As a corollary, I've seen some of the greatest games these teams and others have played, such as Virginia Tech-Florida State in 1999, 2001 Oklahoma-Texas, 1993 Michigan-North Carolina in the Final Four, the 2000 subway series World Series, the 2000 Rams-Titans super bowl, and, more recently, USC-Notre Dame of 2005 and and 2005 NLCS, which the Astros won, but I'll let Logan discuss that...

But once in a while, I witness a game so remarkable that it puts the great games of the past to shame. This post, my friends, is my account of the greatest game I have ever witnessed; the greatest game I have been a part of.

The setting was glorious. Austin, Texas. Early autumn. A cool, brisk 68 degrees. National television with Brad Nessler, Lee Corso and Kirk Herbstreit in the booth. Texas in its beaufitul burnt orange. Vince Young leading a virtually unstoppable offensive attack that makes defensive coordinators weep. The unlucky victim for this game...?

...the Brown University Bears. That's right, Brown. Ivy League. No athletic scholarships. 150-pound linebackers. Midget wide receivers. The double-wing, option-run offense...Aaron Harris, Derrick Johnson, Michael Huff, and Cedric Griffin must have been licking their chops.

Yes, young grasshoppers, I am talking about a video game I played on my PlayStation 2 today. As Brad Nessler welcomed me to another presentation of NCAA 2005 college football brought to me by EA Sports, I could feel that this game would be special. I felt confident. My fingers were nimble, my cushion was comfortable, the A/C was on, a large, cold, glass of grape juice (as opposed to grape drink, which is comprised of sugar, water, and of course, purple) lay next to me. I was ready.

A strange feeling of anger came over me as I prepared to play the game. I didn't just want to beat the Bears, I wanted to maul the Bears. So I quit the game and changed the quarter lengths from 4 minutes to a full 15 minutes. Yes! I get to fuck with Brown for a full 60 minutes. No commercials, just offense. Pure, unadulterated, relentless, offense.

After Brad Nessler re-welcomed me to another presentation of NCAA 2005 college football brought to me by EA Sports, I settled in for what would be the greatest 2 hours of my gaming career. What ensued would become the most glorious, passionate ass-whooping ever administered by one college football team to another on the field. I wanted to run up the score on these fuckers. How dare they step into my stadium and challenge me to a game! I don't care if I did select them as an opponent.

I had one thing in mind - offense. I audibled my receivers to fly patterns (translation: go deep) every play. I ran hail mary's for the hell of it. I went for 2 point conversions after every touchdown. I kicked onside after each touchdown. My defense was impeccable. I threw downfield every play...

The Bears never had a chance. I took a chainsaw to the once-vaunted Brown defense. It was a massacre on the field. The evidence is below.

Key offensive stats:

-Vince Young: 66/99 for 2266 yards (~ 1.3 miles) and 45 touchdowns, 2 sacks and 1 INT
-As a team: 59 first downs, 2296 total yards of offense, 53/61 on 2-point conversions, 61 touchdowns scored (all of these new single-game NCAA records)
-Selvin Young: 49 punts for 606 yards and 9 touchdowns

Key defensive stats:

-As a Team: forced 13 turnovers, including 9 interceptions (5 returned for TD's), 7 sacks, and a combined 6/72 on 3rd and 4th down, held Brown to 319 yards of total offense

In the end, EA sports stopped taking score when it got to be 255-0 (3 minutes into the 3rd quarter). The stats kept rolling, and I took score by hand. When it was all said and done, the Texas Longhorns defeated the Brown University Bears 479-0, in what will go down in the annals of history as the greatest performance ever by an athletic club.

After the game, I watched the Astros win the National League pennant. Logan, you have to write about the Astros.

Was I Ready? - LG

Finally, five years of cotton depression has turned. Oh the glory of
beating Oklahoma! Chris knows this, but he has a knock in the nuts
coming. I told him before he left. I told him in a text as Rod Wright
ran 70 yrds for a touchdown. I told him as I welcomed him back to
houston while the astros clinched the division series. He's getting a
knock in the nuts. Now, before the aggies and nay-sayers say anything.
I know we were suppose to beat OU this year, but hear this ags. One
day, you will know how it feels to break a 5 game or longer streak to
your archrival. Until then...ah, silence.

As for me I had the distinct pleasure of standing as a groom's men in
my friend Wiliiam's wedding. Hands down the best man of my generation,
Will was the one I took to stacie's with me as I gathered my goods.
I've known him since i started playing soccer (the first sport a kid
has the attention span to play). He's the one I 'rebelled' with when I
strew trash accross an exes lawn. He's the one that showed up first to
my bedside in the hospital. Remember your best friend through high
school? He was it. All that and I had never seen him as happy as I saw
him the past few weeks. It begs me to ask the question: was i ready?
.... tough call.

On to the wedding (here comes the sap). Beautiful wedding. The bride's
maids were all dressed nice. The groom's men were pimped out. I must
say, I looked 'so fresh and so clean' that day. The brides and groom
were all dolled up, and in mind i had to think 'football, football,
baseball, footba.., base.., ...'. Everytime i stopped, my lip started
to curl and tears welled up in my eyes. The first wedding i'm in, and I
paid the least amount of attention to the proceedings. Hello! Two weeks
from the day, it was going to be me front and center.

So, was i ready? No. I wasn't ready to get married. After seeing
William and how happy he was, i wasn't ready. But would I have been?
who knows now, i'm not that worried about it. The point is this: i'm
not gettin married! We'll never know, and unlike the last time I asked
myself what might have been (here's that reference to a certain someone
you hugged at graduation only to hate again), I will never attempt to
see what might have been if i was, in fact, ready as I had once
believed.

Hey wally! remember that healthy pile behind bevo? Revielley does.

one for 'air will'... "I can't remember anything / Can't tell if this
is true or dream"

Dallas

I find myself more excited than normal to write this post. I know some of you loyal readers are craving for new material here and I am more than happy to oblige.

This past weekend I made the trip to Dallas, Texas for the annual Texas vs. Oklahoma football game. The 100th game in the rivalry was played this year. As is custom in my book for Friday night, I went to the Across The Street bar with my friend Eric. As usual, it was a great time. 1,000 Longhorn fans clad in burnt orange and $2 pitchers is my kind of atmosphere. However, the bar got cheap on us this year. Normally the pitchers are Dos Equis (yes, $2 Dos Equis pitchers), but Coors was on tap this time. No matter. I picked up the cover charge and Big Easy (one of my nicknames for Eric)..because he's big (approx 6'4") and easy, like I guess most guys are, bought us 2 pitchers and we were set for the night.

I realized early on that I can't drink as much as I could in college. Halfway through the pitcher, I was damn near full. Seriously, I actually got mad at myself for considering the possibility of wasting cheap beer. So, in typical crunch-time fashion, I sucked it up and finished the pitcher. I thought I was gonna explode. Later that night (since I don't break the seal), I would take the biggest piss of my life. Man, it brought tears to my eyes...and a little warm bath to some shrubs. Anyhow, the bar was great. As usual, I ran into people I know. I saw my friend Chris who I had not seen literally since my senior year. I also saw my friend Noteel, a girl I attended high school with. She's doing well. I had not seen her since my junior year of high school - a full 7 years ago.

We left around 11:30 to head back to Eric's parents house. His little brother, Adam, had a little league hockey game the next morning, which we attended and met up with his parents. The all of us trucked over to the Cotton Bowl for the game. The atmosphere was crazed. You could feel it in your bones that this day was special.

We had the better team, Oklahoma was rebuilding, and most important of all....

We had Vince.

Texas crushed Oklahoma 45-12 and tied the 1941 Texas team for the largest margin of victory for Texas over Oklahoma. The game was incredibly exciting and filled with big plays. Vince Young's 64-yard touchdown pass to Bill Pittman, Jamaal Charles's 80-yard touchdown run, Rodrique Wright's 67-yard fumble return for a touchdown resulting from Brian Robison's sack of OU quarterback Rhett Bomar. I loved every minute of it.

Whenever I attend Texas games, I always over-exert myself in the process of cheering for my team. I always lose my voice by halftime. I have a habit of jumping up and down on big plays. I do the "hook 'em horns" on 3rd and 4th downs. I'm always yelling something and giving my own insight on what's happening on the field to whomever I attend the game with. By the end of the game, I am really tired. But it's so fun. And this weekend, I was exhausted after the game. But, like the Ohio State game, we stayed late in the stadium to celebrate while the team was still on the field. It was truly a great day to be a Longhorn.

Saturday night I hung out with a couple of Eric's friends. Then on Sunday I hung out in Plano with his fam before flying back to Houston.

I really enjoyed the weekend. I wish I had a digital camera to commemorate the weekend. If Texas wins the national championship this year, the commemorative dvd is gonna be amazing. Ohio State, Oklahoma, Texas Tech, A&M, Big 12 Championship, Rose Bowl and a ton of other highlights will make it a tough item to have.

Won't Get Fooled Again - Phil

On this date in history, September 30, 1955, Actor James Dean was killed when his Porsche 550 Spyder crashed head-on into another car.  Andy Warhol called him “the damaged but beautiful soul of our time”.  Also, in 1889, Wyoming legislatures approve a state constitution that gives women the right to vote, the first of its kind in the Western U.S.  Ladies, rejoice.

 

Like the minions before me, I headed out of Houston late last Wednesday night with the intent of traveling to Austin.  This, however, was no evacuation.  Granted a weekend reprieve by the grace of God, we were headed to ACL.  One night spent at a gas station later, we arrived in time to catch all of the festival we cared to see.  Do yourself a favor, get up, shower, feed the dog/cat and head to your favorite record store to pick up any album from The Decemberists.  Trust me, you will not be disappointed. 

 

Playoff fever is in the air, if you haven’t noticed.  (A mostly male disease contracted in late-September and sometimes lasting until early November; symptoms include loss of female companionship, increased reading of ESPN.com, and the constant use of the “previous channel” button the remote control.  For those with more severe symptoms please seek medical assistance, or attempt to self-medicate at your favorite watering hole.)  I don’t consider myself to be a bandwagon fan, but I’m driving the cart on this one.  Go ‘Stros!  Bruntlett Jihad!

 

This just in from the I.T. department – Don’t count your eggs before they’ve hatched.  Feel free to count them before you leave the grocery store. 

 

Enough for now, for those concerned the answer is “Yes, I am still alive”, and for those not concerned, the answer is “D – all of the above”.

 

Rock'N Roll Star - LG

I usually like to have a title first, but there can't be just one way
to describe this post without writing it first. Last wednesday,
Houston government officials decided to give me a 5 day weekend/holiday
courtesy of hurricane rita. So at ten till thursday, I joined the
ranks and files and fled to the first place that came to my
mind...austin, texas. Ha Haaa! Austin, Texas! I was extremely lucky
in the time I made, but o.. how I was mad to see, a young man, with a
back pack, waiting on the bus. I had driven, all night. I get 3.5
hours sleep to recover from the all-nighter before I threw myself into
a whirlwind that would beat me down as I am STILL feeling the effects.

The schedule for the next 4 days goes like this. Thursday night i took
full advantage of one hour and thirty minutes down the street. After
the recovery (1) I slid down the road to Zilker park...ACL in full
effect. For three days 120 thousand people (thats what i heard) walked
a dust bowl into the ground watching bands on multple, multiple stages.
Awsome! I walked around without a shirt for three days. Did not
sunburn!?! What? The scenery? Magnificent! A lot of Texas Talent on
the grounds, I will say that. When I was done for the day, I made a
trip back to Eric, Mike, and Tobin's place to clean up for the next
round. Friday Night? ha haaa (much more time to play with an after
party at robs) recovery(2)-ACL (its a fumble!). Saturday Night? Ha ha
haaa. (please, do not take me to the warehouse district and not know
where you want to go) recovery(3)-ACL. Sunday Night? Now I know that
I said '4 Night Bender' when I got there but no, no way can I pound
myself one more time. Damn peer pressure! Sunday night ended up being
the most intoxicating one of them all. Ooo, that one left a mark. (4)

I can't say enough about all the water I drank at ACL. Definetly kept
me in the best possible health for what I would be doing later. If
you've never been to ACL, do it. Even if for one day, do it. Allman
Brothers, Buddy Guy, Wilco, Blues Traveler, The Decemberists, Oasis,
Coldplay and the South Austin Jug Band (too bad they played soo early!)
Just some of my highlights.

Now, to talk about the 'fumble'. Saturday night Wally was a better
wingman than the Iceman. I come back from the beer run before Oasis
(so sweet) and Wally had me set up. Before it starts we're chattin.
Close quarters you know, a hundred thousand people trying to crowd into
45 ft from stage, 15 ft left of center(stage right). After the show I
hear the kicker as she's talking to her friend and friend's
boyfriend...'but he's leaving with his friends' ...{head shaking} ...
I have no excuses. I had the in, I had the connection, I got the vibe,
and nothing. I felt like a dog chasing a car. I had the car. "hey
uh....whats next?" Now I know whats next. But I balked. It did,
however, pump my ego a little. I saw the signs that some lady was
attracted to me. I had been topless all day and an attractive young
lady is digging on me? Ha haaa!

Cuz in my mind my dreams are real, are you concerned about the way i
feel, Tonight, I'm a ...

A Loss For Words

During a conversation I had with my friend Eric this past weekend, I mentioned that I find adult life (beginning at age 22, roughly the age of most college graduates) to be surprisingly boring and predictable. I remember Chris Rock mentioning that good relationships, for example, are boring in part because the couple talks about the same shit every conversation. Therefore, Rock says he'd want some fantastic event to happen (his example was being kidnapped) for no other reason than to have a new topic to discuss.

I say all this to explain the topic of this post...there is none. The past two weeks have been so uneventful that I am driven to posting random thoughts on here.

I thought about discussing politics given that at least 3 big stories are in the news (hurricanes, Roberts, Delay). But that would be boring, and I honestly don't know enough to provide more than an elementary level of detail on my thoughts.

I thought about football. But no one really wants to know why I think Central Florida will beat Louisiana-Lafayette on the road this weekend and win its second game in 18 tries. Well, no one besides Matt. But we can have that conversation tomorrow.

I thought about talking about my online sports betting hobby. However, I don't really know my audience here so I can't dismiss the possibility that some IRS Federales read this. And you can be damn sure I don't pay taxes on my winnings.

I could always talk about my women issues. But people read this to get away from their problems, not take on mine, so that's out of the question....for now.

So I'll ramble on about interesting stuff that has been on my mind lately...

Last night I had a small discussion with Brenna. I told her about my experience at Exodus, an 18+ club in Austin, last week. I mentioned that for the first time in a long time, a girl (bedies Les) grabbed my ass on the dance floor. I was overjoyed. She was pretty hot, too. 5'6, dirty blonde, skinny, nice face - definitely my type. But, I was with hotter girls so I didn't pursue it. I told Brenna that most girls would consider that sexual harassment. I told her she could sexually harass me anytime.

My friend Lindsey turned 22 the other day, and I promised to buy her 22 scratch off tickets as a gift. I am really tempted to say that I want a cut (say 15%) of winnings in excess of $1,000. But I don't know if that would be appropriate. I'll figure this out. Anyone remember the movie starring Nick Cage where he gives a waitress a lottery ticket because he can't tip her? Wonder if this will be a similar situation...

Double D sent me this link to a webpage entitled "Ode to the Nice Guys." After reading, I have decided to become less nice. Women, no longer will I listen to bitching about guys who have screwed you over. Sorry. Don't want to hear it...

"Bitch, you know what I want, hahahaha..." - Mr. Nice Guy

Rita

I went to Austin this past Wednesday to escape hurricane Rita. A good time was definitely had by all involved. It was good to see friends I had not seen in a while. I also met some new ones, which is always good. Partied a lot. Watched HD tv all weekend, which was sweet. I need to get HD.

Now its back to the grind of getting applications out.

I had to cancel my PF Chang's dining experience from last Friday, so I am rescheduling it for this Friday. 7 or 8pm. Any takers?

In other news, I learned recently that Geena Davis is starring in a new political drama in which she is the president. Are you fucking kidding me? Is anyone going to watch this?

Long Time Coming - LG

In the past month since Vegas, I've seen more of the inside of my
office than I have of anything else. Most people think tax season is
only before April 15th. Naw son! All those extensions that get filed
before then come due in September and some in October, so I've been
humpin it at the office. That, of course, leads to me having no desire
to look at a computer screen while I enjoy my precious few hours at the
house.

During these three to four weeks, I have had a few more interesting
experiences I'd like to share. To begin, people, do not talk bad about
someone else's family just because you're mad about the way things are
working out, especially when you are the person who put yourself, and
whoever else you dragged along, in your current situation. Some
background: When all this blew up, she wants to keep the families out
of it because its between her and me. "You are correct sir!" Now why
does the tune change and my family gets insulted. If you don't have
room to talk, do not talk. I believe she has no room. I also believe
that the person who gave her the 411 has no room to talk....hows that
high school student with your grandchild? In a fit of anger, I let her
know who was really getting the raw end of the stick.

Moving on, I learned another lesson to apply on the road from
heartache. My vibe has been off. I rib people alot and get joshed
back alot, all in fun. Some say I'm an easy target, but i bring much
of it on myself. For so long I have had no problems taking back what I
dished, until recently when I felt like I was in grade school again.
What I use to brush of my shoulder was now sticking me like a knife.
After a conversation with Dale, I called the pal at work to discuss
things. What I've come to understand is that right now I'm as
emotionally stable as a woman at the end of her lunar cycle, and I have
to let those around me know what is going on. Obviously the guy
understands and the weeks since have been much easier. Some of the fun
is still there, but I can really tell that he's been holding some
things back and I can't thank him enough during this time. Thanks
Michael!

A few things I'd like to touch on.......Boo-ya! The cowboys from hell
walked into the Horseshoe and struted back out. To all the UT 'fans'
that couldn't say we'd win....get a healthy wiff from that pile behind
BEVO. To all the UT haters who didn't believe or bet against
us.....eat it! OU and CHris Simms are the only two things that can
stop our machine.

"yeah i'm gonna break. i'm gonna break my rusty cage ....and run"

Ruminations

There's no storyline to this post, just a couple of random thoughts I had over the weekend.

First, my weekend was boring as hell. Allow me to explain: I get back in town on Friday at 2:30pm. I had an asshole cab driver from the airport, so I tipped him 50 cents on a 26.50 fare and called in a complaint to his company. Anyway, I don't leave my apartment until 9:30pm Saturday night. Thats 31 hours straight without leaving my 1 bedroom apartment. I didn't even leave to check my mailbox. I watched college football all day- literally. Then today (Sunday) I watched pro football. Also did a little work on applications. This week will suck because I was out of town all last week and made no progress the apps. I also decided to apply to UCLA today. I stayed in my underwear for 46 out of the 48 hours of the weekend. I also cooked myself two steaks, took 5 showers (mostly out of boredom), and washed my sheets.

Second, I spent the 2 hours this weekend not in my underwear at a party for my friend David. It was his 23rd bday. David is Colombian. I've met a lot of his friends. He had a party at his apartment, and I felt extremely awkward becase he had a ton of friends over, and they're all Latin, which is cool but for that they ALL speak spanich around each other. So feel left out and alienated. Anyway, I got drunk and left after about an hour and a half. I wanted to stick around, but I wasn't talking to anyone, and not having fun.

Third, I am going to PF Changs this upcoming Friday night (the 23rd) for dinner. Looking for someone (or more) to join me. If not, I'll have a table for 1 and a Newsweek magazine. 7 or 8 o'clock-ish.

-Chris

Epistemilogical Suffciency

Ms. Angela posted a rather pertinent comment to the Mr. Big post from yesterday. Apparently I did not pay close enough attention to Sex and the City (SATC). She's right. Carrie does always want Mr. Big, which probably makes this situation a closer parallel. But my pledge to all who read this is as follows: I happen to have access to all 6 seasons of SATC on dvd. Over the next 6 months, I will rewatch every episode so I don't make a mistake like this again. I will know my SATC like the back of my hand. However, I will still know college football better. Anyone have tickets to the Texas vs Rice game this weekend?

Honk if you like this blog.

Mr. Big

Ok, many of you are confused as to why I am still not back in Houston yet. I was supposed to return this past Monday. Well, here is the explanation: I am in Chicago hanging out with my ex-girlfriend. Yes girls, I am helping her in a time of need (i.e. not being a complete asshole).

Les is moving to France to work as an au pair, or nanny for us English speaking people, and she needs a work visa to be a "legal" worker while she is there. To do this, she has to submit an application to the Chicago French consulate because its the official consulate for her state of residence, Kansas. But thus far she's run into some hangups and we've had to stay a couple of extra days. So we've seen the sights, major museums, the John Hancock building (which is cool as shit for those of you who have yet to experience the skydeck). All in all it has been pretty nice.

I must admit, I do feel like Mr. Big from Sex And The City in his relationship with Carrie. I am basically the most magnificent dude on the planet, and my Carrie (i.e. Leslie) kind of comes in and out of my life. We dated, then broke up, then starting sleeping with each other, now I don't know. It's like we want to date but the girl (like in the real series) doesn't know what she wants. Strange.

Anyway, I hope to be back in Houston on Friday or Saturday. I'll catch up with y'all then. By the way, I know that people outside my Houston friends are reading this blog (Jenny, Tim, etc). Post a comment or e-mail me already!!!

Columbus, Ohio

For those of you who don't know, I travelled to Columbus, Ohio this past weekend for a football game between the University of Texas and Ohio State. My wonderful cousin Drew graciously offered me housing during my stay there. I must say, the entire weekend rocked.

As most of you know by now, Texas won. People, I had been to Ohio Stadium before, but I didn't experience the crazed atmospere before this past Saurday night. The stadum attendance record was set that night. 105,565 people packed in for what was the greatest game of the season thus far and what was probably the best game of all season. College football fans will understand the feeling I am talking about. This was awesome. I will never forget this game as long as I live. The Ohio State fans were rabid; downright brutal. I, as a Texas fan, was called everything from a rich pretentious Texan to a flaming homosexual (because, according to the OSU fans, only steers and queers come from Texas). I attended ESPN's College Gameday on Saturday morning, the game that night (I will post pictures soon) and Gameday Final after the game.

On the social side of things, I went out on Friday night to a place called Brother's, a big ass bar. It was teeming with Texas fans and a few lost OSU fans. Best part of the night: some random Texas fans offers to buy the ENTIRE bar drinks for 30 minutes. Word has it he ran up a $10,000 bar tab. Awesome.

Back at home, I partied with Drew a lot. It was tons of fun. I still can't believe Drew is only 18. I met her roomates, all of whom were cool as shit. Pretty hot too, especially Kim. Damn girl, you are smokin. I'm coming back in November. Drew should warn you...I am hard to resist :)

All in all, it was among the best 4 days I've had all summer. Drew, Kim, Alyssa, and Robin, thank you for having me. I loved every minute (although I don't really like y'alls parking situation; it's kinda fucked up), and I can't wait to see you all again soon! O-H-I-O!

Discovery

It's really late and I have to catch a plane in about 10 hours, but I feel the need to spread the good word. I recently happened upon what may be the funniest (if not most mysogynistic) website I have ever seen. TuckerMax.com is classic. Everyone check this out. Read the Austin road trip story. I'll post more stuff later.

For those of you who don't know, the University of Texas is playing Ohio State in a much anticipated football game this weekend. I have a cousin who will be a sophomore at Ohio State in the fall, and decided to visit her this weekend. I also have tickets to the game. Anyway, my cousin is 18 and lives in a house with 3 other girls, the oldest of which (whom?) is 20. Should be a good time. I'll be sure to log my experiences. I'll definitely drink alot. Combatively, perhaps.

Vegas

Vegas was a great time for all of us. You can find pictures of my sexy ass here.

I do apologize for the delay, as I have really begun to focus on my applications and they are taking up a great deal of time.