Nights in the A

My friend Michael Pemulis offered this thoughts on the Austin bar scene recently and inspired me to do the same.

Just like MP, I tried to come up with my top ten Austin bars. Starting from an initial basket of 37 bars in which I excluded restaurants and hotels (The Driskill would easily be top 10 if I included hotels). I'll also pattern this post similar to his, going through my bars that did not make the top 10 for various reasons. Soon hereafter, I will post my top 10.

Neither of these bars have some one or two negative attributes in common, it's just for some reason they aren't in my top 10. I used evaluative measures similar to those of MP (crowd, service, navigability, lapability, danceability). However I did not use batting averages, run totals, or any other baseball analogy to measure my "hitting ability" at said bars (although arguably they could be a factor in my evaluation of the "crowd").

With that said, here goes:

11) 219 West -- I promise that MP and I do not really at all think alike when it comes to the Austin social scene, except for this. 219 would be in my top 10 except for the lack of a "scene" and a proper dance floor (which isn't that big of a deal for this place). But it is definitely a good launching pad, and it's physical position on 4th street makes it an easy walk to 6th, 5th, or the rest of 4th streets.

The rest of these are in no particular order:

Logan's -- I fucking hate this place. At one point, I simply refused to go there. As in, if all of my friends decided to go, I was going home. Generally terrible music (read: waspy 80's shit), terrible lighting (porkers become skinny, etc), overpriced gigantic beers, and the stark absence of diversity makes this place my third most hated bar in the city. But it's not all bad; this place has exactly three things going for it: (1) it serves pretty decent jello shots, (2) it's a few doors down from Spill, and (3) one day its owner will run out of money and close the joint.

Cedar Street -- surprise, surprise you say. Anyone who knows me knows I pretty much can't stand CS. I am certain this is in MPs top 10 (actually, it's in his top 5 and I'm so sure of this, I'd put my left arm on the line). Same shitty characteristics as Logan, except this place also charges cover on certain nights. The Chase doesn't pay cover. And the service sucks. I will say, however, that an inordinate amount of cougars (and probably a few snow leopards mixed in) give this place its only positive remark. Navigability here sucks too, and the bathrooms take forever to access.

311 -- I stopped going to frat parties for a reason. This place is a frat party exported to 6th street. Yes, there is some decent talent, but the bar is hard to service, the band/entertainment leaves a lot to be desired, and the crowd may be the most out of touch, stupid, overprivileged frat/sorority kids from all over Texas. 72% of all frat date rapes start here*. I don't go to this place.

Prague -- if I wanted to party with douchebags and the girls who jock them, I'd buy an Affliction and/or Ed Hardy t-shirt, join the MMA circuit, take steroids till my balls shrivel, grunt alot, and develop a massive, uncontrollable cocaine habit. Or I could just party at Scottsdale bars. Either way, I'm not going here. The place fails nearly every one of my criteria; it's hard to move around, wayyy too dark, terrible music, and inconsistent service. I'm waiting for the day this place is raided by the DEA and subsequently shut down.

Gruv -- see "Prague" above

Qua -- I generally dislike places that are "25 and up" but only enforce this (and dress codes) on select occasions. But even getting beyond this, Qua doesn't have much to offer. I don't need to pay $8 for a drink to watch a fish swim around in a tank that's not even kept clean most of the time.

Speakeasy -- this is almost a tie with 219 West, and could very easily be in my top 10. This place has a decent crowd, a couple of bars inside, but one hell of a hike if you're trying to go to the roof. You're literally climbing 150 stairs if you want to get up there. Good luck with that. Music is decent. Crowd lacks ideal level of diversity but it's manageable. Sometimes they have cover, which I don't like but I'd be up for going again.

Light -- super cool bar on 4th and Congress. Great music, good bartenders, decent dance area, and diverse, reasonably classy, crowd. I've liked this place since the first time I went there. This could easily be top 10. Problem is it doesn't get crowded till very late and there is a "second wave" element beginning to overtake this place.

Lavaca Street -- there's nothing wrong with this place, but there's not too much right with it either. Crowd is unremarkable, and the only reason to go here is for dollar beer night on Tuesdays.

Firehouse Lounge -- This place is like an upscale Spill, which is perhaps why it's not in my top 10. Awesome music and dance floor, but I have two gripes against this place. One, the bar is physically too high for my tastes, like it goes up to my fucking chin and I feel like a midget trying to order something. Second, it's too dark. I had an unfortunate incident back in 2005 at this place. Yes, it was a chick I was getting with, but when the lights came on I had to run for the hills.

Latitude -- any place with as big a dance floor that plays as much hip hop as Latitude would almost automatically be in my top 10. Add in the $2 JaegerBombs and you'd think I'd never leave. But it's not a favorite: (1) there is usually a line, which I don't do, and (2) the JaegerBombs aren't actually made with red bull, they use some other "energy drink" which tastes closer to Kobe Bryant's ass than it does to red bull.

Treasure Island -- T.I., to which it is commonly referred, is admittedly a terrible bar. The drinks are the worst I have tasted in Austin. I suppose this is what I get when I expect great things from 25cent well drinks on Wednesday nights. The crowd is definitely sketchy, although the girls here seems to have major self-image issues, which may help you break out of a slump. Unlike Pemulis, I think TI is the wost bar on 6th.

Pure -- my friend Gris flat out refuses to go here, and I don't completely understand why. Pure is admittedly a poor attempt to copy the namesake of the famous club in Caesars Palace, but it's got a decent crowd, great music, and it's relatively cheap. On the other hand, navigability in this place sucks, and the service is terrible. On top of this, they charge cover and I can't get in wearing flip flops (who thinks they can enforce a dress code on 6th street??). This place gets the thumbs down from me.

The Wave -- the first time I went to this place I wound up having a pretty good looking chick take me back to her place, so I suppose I had a good impression from the start. Upon further review, however, alot of stuff is wrong with this bar. Walking around this place is a chore, with the bar hitting you right as you walk in and there only being a 7 foot wide walkway for 400 people to try to traverse. If you can make it upstairs, you get a decent outside area, but can't really hear the music.

Shakespear's Pub -- this also could be in the top 10. This place may be the most underrated bar on 6th. They just opened up a separate room that's just a dance floor and they've got great music. The crowd is super chill, no dress code, reasonably priced drinks, and they just set up a nintendo wii if you want to play it. Plus the girls are hot. For some reason, this place just doesn't do it for me, probably because a bunch of super drunk people roll in around 1:30 (the pizza stand is right next door to this place) and are annoying.

Maggie Maes -- my chief problem with this place is the crowd. Everyone looks like they're about to walk out and roll straight to 311. No diversity whatsoever. I try everything I can not to go here unless I am with some gigantic group and can't really avoid it. As far as bar fundamentals are concerned, this place is decent. It's got a number of bars inside so you don't have to wait forever for a drink, decent service, a huge rooftop with a gigantic tv projection screen, and a lot of girls come here. The music leaves a little bit to be desired. I've never had any remarkable experiences at this place, besides always thinking I want to leave. Maggie Maes is out of the top 10 (and probably out of the top 20).

Ok, those are all the places that didn't make my top 10. I'll post my top 10 over the next 10 days, so check back often!!

*I made this up, but the actual number is probably close.